Quote:
Originally Posted by kutulu
I'm really sorry to see that things have not improved for you and your wife.
Wrong, first she was acting suspiciously by routinely hiding conversations. When confronted she gave an non-answer. He broke trust by snooping and found out that not only was she lying about the situation but flirting with a co-worker and essentially giving him naked pictures of her.
Did you read the original post? She was doing all of this before he was mistrusting her. His snooping confirmed suspicions.
I look at this type of thing similar to cops and warrants. Probably cause. It is wrong to spy on someone out of paranoia. However, it an SO is acting shfty it is appropriate to do some snooping. However, you better find something to justify your actions. Prince found a goldmine of information.
People like to judge relationships according to what their personal standards are. I don't think that is appropriate. Some people may be manipulative or possessive but if you want to be with that person you have to accept it. If both parties want to agree to make changes to benefit the relationship that is great but you can't expect to be able to change people.
Imagine A and B are a married couple. If A doesn't like something B is doing, it is within their rights to demand that that activity stops. If the B thinks this is unreasonable, then it is within B's right to openly refuse and explain to A why B is refusing. Then the burden is put back on A to decide if A can deal.
It is totally unacceptable, however, for B to agree to stop but still continue that activity while lying to A. This makes B an untrustworthy piece of shit.
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You really approve of snooping? That makes the snooper just as untrustworthy as the snoopee.
I remember reading the original post when it first appeared and perhaps I should read it again, but the gist of this whole sordid affair is that communication is nonexistent.
Regardless of whether he really tried to have a heart to heart (and we haven't heard her side at all, don't forget), living with the idea that two wrongs make a right solves nothing. Someone has to be the adult and if she's not willing to be(I think she wants out, quite frankly, but doesn't want to be the "bad guy"), then he needs to be. Snooping and suspicions, confirmed or not, is not the way to do it.
The bigger question is does he want to continue this merry go round of a marriage or cut his losses? The old "am I better off with or without her" probably applies. I vote "without".
Oh and I hid conversations too because sometimes we'd all get raunchy. If I was laughing and I thought it was worth sharing, I did so. But I hate HATE anyone reading over my shoulder.