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For you, I want to reiterate what's been mentioned: Benadryl is a great sleep aid, and exercise is an absolute MUST. Work as hard as you can for as long as you can, and then work another 10 minutes. It'll have the added advantage of helping you sleep.
For her, yes--it's a thrill seek. She doesn't feel like she's had enough of the dating game. She may have married too young. Some people don't ever get ready to be married.
There are some people here who have successfully managed the open-marriage thing but to do it you need absolute trust, which is lacking here, so don't do it!!!
To really get someone to improve, you need to get them to take action of their own to prevent it happening again. Don't just say "Don't do it", say "Tell me how you will make sure you aren't tempted again." If you try to solve the issue with increasingly strict restrictions on her, her feeling of entrapment will worsen and her behavior along with it. Instead, let her voluntarily choose her own rules and restrictions. That way, when she breaks them (note WHEN, not IF), she can't tell you that you were unreasonable to ask that of her. Ideally, get them in writing.
The sort of thing I'm thinking she should say is "I'm going to stop using AIM at home and take up a hobby instead" or "I'm going to make time for a special date night with you every week so I can feel like we are still lovers and this is still exciting" or "I'm going to join a belly-dancing class so I can feel sexy and get some exercise in a safe environment (these classes are all female)". Whatever she comes up with needs to make sense for both of you, though. Your results may vary.
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There's no justice. There's just us.
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