I'm really sorry to see that things have not improved for you and your wife.
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Originally Posted by ngdawg
It's the beginning of the end.
First, you spied. Then you couldn't stop because you saw what you were hoping you wouldn't see. That justified what she was doing-two wrongs and all that.
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Wrong, first she was acting suspiciously by routinely hiding conversations. When confronted she gave an non-answer. He broke trust by snooping and found out that not only was she lying about the situation but flirting with a co-worker and essentially giving him naked pictures of her.
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Your feelings are valid, but so are hers. You mistrusted before you came to any conclusions and by then it was too late.
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Did you read the original post? She was doing all of this before he was mistrusting her. His snooping confirmed suspicions.
I look at this type of thing similar to cops and warrants. Probably cause. It is wrong to spy on someone out of paranoia. However, it an SO is acting shfty it is appropriate to do some snooping. However, you better find something to justify your actions. Prince found a goldmine of information.
People like to judge relationships according to what their personal standards are. I don't think that is appropriate. Some people may be manipulative or possessive but if you want to be with that person you have to accept it. If both parties want to agree to make changes to benefit the relationship that is great but you can't expect to be able to change people.
Imagine A and B are a married couple. If A doesn't like something B is doing, it is within their rights to demand that that activity stops. If the B thinks this is unreasonable, then it is within B's right to openly refuse and explain to A why B is refusing. Then the burden is put back on A to decide if A can deal.
It is totally unacceptable, however, for B to agree to stop but still continue that activity while lying to A. This makes B an untrustworthy piece of shit.