Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Porn, strip clubs and your partners insecurities

levite · 08-02-2008, 09:06 PM

I don't think it's out of line for an involved person to steer clear of strip clubs. That's okay, in my opinion, because whether there's physical contact or not-- and let's face it, a lot of physical contact happens-- there are fairly sexualized interactions that happen between strippers and customers. I think that's fair game for saying, "I'm not comfortable with you hanging out there." In the end, I'm not sure it matters if it's just a couple of "harmless" lapdances, or just a giggly hen night out scoping sausages with the girls: there's an immediate proximity that justifies a little jealousy.

As for porn, I'm inclined to be more lenient. If one's partner is preferring masturbating to porn over sex, then that's really not healthy. On the other hand, some people just have high sex drives, and they can rub one out in the morning and still be fresh as morning dew for sex that night.

If the issue is content (your partner's porn involves kinks you dislike), consider that it could be for the best: they might know you're not into that, and sublimate their desires for it via the porn. On the other hand, if the effects of her constant watching of "Spanks for the Memories" are insidiously creeping their way into your scrupulously vanilla bedroom...not so great.

If the issue is-- as it so often is-- you're feeling insecure because your man is looking at naked ladies that aren't you...well, you kinda gotta roll with that one. As long as he keeps the weasel in the house, and brings his lusty naughtiness to you, it's probably best to make your peace with the inevitable fact that dudes like boobies. We pretty much want to see them all. No exceptions, really. It's not necessarily so universal with girls, but it's true a lot in reverse, nonetheless: plenty of chicks just like digging on the muscley weenies and buns, and it doesn't mean they're not still hot for your package. You just gotta roll with that.

As with all things, the way to deal with sexual insecurities is calm and compassionate conversation. A little reassurance can go a long way, and who knows, maybe it'll end up lighting the burner a little. If you're both comfortable with where each other's at, maybe Jenna's suggestion starts looking sexy, and everyone's a winner....

08-02-2008, 09:06 PM	#6 (permalink)
levite Minion of Joss Location: The Windy City	I don't think it's out of line for an involved person to steer clear of strip clubs. That's okay, in my opinion, because whether there's physical contact or not-- and let's face it, a lot of physical contact happens-- there are fairly sexualized interactions that happen between strippers and customers. I think that's fair game for saying, "I'm not comfortable with you hanging out there." In the end, I'm not sure it matters if it's just a couple of "harmless" lapdances, or just a giggly hen night out scoping sausages with the girls: there's an immediate proximity that justifies a little jealousy. As for porn, I'm inclined to be more lenient. If one's partner is preferring masturbating to porn over sex, then that's really not healthy. On the other hand, some people just have high sex drives, and they can rub one out in the morning and still be fresh as morning dew for sex that night. If the issue is content (your partner's porn involves kinks you dislike), consider that it could be for the best: they might know you're not into that, and sublimate their desires for it via the porn. On the other hand, if the effects of her constant watching of "Spanks for the Memories" are insidiously creeping their way into your scrupulously vanilla bedroom...not so great. If the issue is-- as it so often is-- you're feeling insecure because your man is looking at naked ladies that aren't you...well, you kinda gotta roll with that one. As long as he keeps the weasel in the house, and brings his lusty naughtiness to you, it's probably best to make your peace with the inevitable fact that dudes like boobies. We pretty much want to see them all. No exceptions, really. It's not necessarily so universal with girls, but it's true a lot in reverse, nonetheless: plenty of chicks just like digging on the muscley weenies and buns, and it doesn't mean they're not still hot for your package. You just gotta roll with that. As with all things, the way to deal with sexual insecurities is calm and compassionate conversation. A little reassurance can go a long way, and who knows, maybe it'll end up lighting the burner a little. If you're both comfortable with where each other's at, maybe Jenna's suggestion starts looking sexy, and everyone's a winner.... __________________ Dull sublunary lovers love, Whose soul is sense, cannot admit Absence, because it doth remove That thing which elemented it. (From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne) Last edited by levite; 08-02-2008 at 09:09 PM..