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I read this and thought you were my husband.
It's the beginning of the end.
First, you spied. Then you couldn't stop because you saw what you were hoping you wouldn't see. That justified what she was doing-two wrongs and all that.
She got defensive because you were wrong in snooping even tho she was or might have been wrong in continuing her friendship.
I know in my case, there was no way anyone was going to tell me who I could be friends with. Yea, I apologized, but I got smarter too and sneakier.
The final ax-ultimatums. They should never be given unless you are totally prepared to get the losing answer.
Your feelings are valid, but so are hers. You mistrusted before you came to any conclusions and by then it was too late. In other words, you pushed and she went.
In my case, we are still together, but not together. We do our own things, raise our kids as a unit and get along if superficially.
Now you have a decision to make. Only you can decide to stay or go. I'd say go before you're in over your head with kids, mortgage, etc. Trust me, it is not an ideal setup to stay once all trust is gone.
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