kate jack

Lets say that you love porn and love to go to strip clubs. Your SO knew this before getting together with you and thought it wouldn't be an issue. Turns out, it is. He/she feels awfully insecure about it, it makes him/her uncomfortable and it is causing a huge problem for them, huge.

Would you stop watching porn and going to the clubs? Or would you say that it is his/her problem to deal with and keep on doing what you do?

Your partner isn't controlling, he/she doesn't want you to stop going out and seeing friends or anything on those lines. He/she just wants you to stop the porn and clubs because it is really affecting his/her life in a negative way.



I would say that the couple should talk and try to come to a reasonable compromise. This doesn't mean that the porn aficionado should simply "give up" porn because that's what the other person wants. This should be an amicable decision as a couple so as not to deny eachother's right to individual expression. To say that the one partner "isn't controlling" but merely "wants [the other partner] to stop the porn and clubs" is not a clear message.

How can a person "not be controlling" yet then tell another person what to do?

I would advise the partner who is uncomfortable by the porn to be upfront with their partner, try to listen w/an unbiased ear and first and foremost, critically analyze their personal reaction to see whether this is an insecurity or a real issue for the relationship's stability.

If after discussing this issue with both sides sincerely hearing eachother's thoughts and still no resolution, then it may be that the couple should not be in a relationship.