fear of success and fear of failure. They are really powerful hindrences, but they aren't rooted in success or failure. They are rooted in acceptance when you get down to brass tacks.
I'm with abaya. I can't fathom how I'm privilidged enough for many things. I tell you that I try my best to make the most of them and that still doesn't stop me from having anxiety about success/failure. I think it to be more of the reason of not wanting to have kids as I learn more about who I am as an idividual and exlpore the real meanings to my behaviors as opposed to the reasons and lies that I rationalize and tell myself.
I also flat out reject things from my parents as part of that privilige sometimes making it inifitely harder than it needs to be to achieve something. I don't fully understand why, but I believe it has something to do with birth order and trying to achieve on my own in comparison to my younger sister who has always gotten help from my parents in some fashion.
I used to believe that when I was a youth in school, that I was not getting A's because I didn't care about grades. I wanted to be able to do it all, playing with friends, going out, watching TV, etc. so getting B's and C's were acceptable to me. The reality of it is much different, I was afraid that if I got A's this time, I'd have to get A's another time. If I hit the mark once I'd have to hit the mark again, and again, and again. So by keeping the bar low, I was able to do what I wanted, but the reality was I couldn't accept an unacceptable possibility of having to perform well consistently.
There are lots of books written up on the Fear of Success and the Fear of Failure. Sometimes it's as simple as self sabatoge which maskes the two, obfusicating the situation because you create a situation to setup the endeavor from happening in a positive result.
Quote:
Psychology Today: The Fear of Success
The common denominator to every problem in your life is: you were there when it happened. The pain of the realization that you have been powerful all along can be healed only by forgiving yourself. "If you don't know how to forgive yourself, that forgiveness doesn't come from the outside but from the inside, then you can't create empowered success," insists Caine.
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This is why I always suggest forgiving yourself as a starting point. Two elements to allowing acceptance for me is forgiveness and permission. For some reason I pick forgiveness first to give me a pause and moment. At times I almost feel like Silas from Da Vinci Code because I believe that the actions past and future have some sort of "sin" connotation to me.
The next is permission. For some reason unknown to me, I have to sometimes actually whisper the words, "It's okay you have permission to do this..." or "I give you permission..."
Oddly enough, one of my simplest mottos is "It is easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission."
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