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Tilted Cat Head
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abaya
I suppose I have a hard time letting other people down, forcing them to cope with an unacceptable situation that I am responsible for creating. It is a great source of guilt for me--that I should have to force people to accept the unacceptable, even if I know that it won't kill them. I like for people around me to be happy--I am a pleaser. And yet I go forward and do all the things I want to do, but people's reactions stay with me--their displeasure, their sadness, their regrets--and I suppose that tempers my enjoyment of what I'm doing.
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See, that's the crux of what you are talking about, you feel responsible for something and thus you feel YOU need to change it. It's not your responsibility how someone acts or responds to a situation. It is a losing bet always if you tie your own self to that.
A business axiom that was passed to me, "If your responsibility exceeds your authority you will always fail."
It applies here too. You don't have the authority to change how someone feels for your actions. You aren't responsible for their behavior.
Looking at how some societies deal with death is interesting. Jews, Chinese, and Italians have a finite mourning period. It is exacting and deliberate. It helps create acceptance. It demarks rituals, milestones, and situations in order to facilitate acceptance of the passing of another.
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