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Originally Posted by jorgelito
There's another perspective too to think about. How you view things now versus how you view them back then. As a child who wants freedom, of course you're gonna think you have it worse off. But from a grown up perspective, things probably look different.
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I'm well aware that adults and children have different perspectives on what is acceptable behavior. However, I don't think it's good under any circumstances to behave in an extreme manner with regards to children (whether under or over-protecting), unless their lives might be in danger or they are about to seriously harm themselves--but that usually wasn't the situation with my friends. We're talking about, for example, spending the night at someone else's house--not a new friend, either--which was always a very big deal, with a lot of phone calling and reassuring going on the whole time. I just don't think that this was totally necessary, given the safety of the situation, but perhaps others will disagree.
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Originally Posted by Charlatan
I think there is a big difference between a helicopter parent and one that freaks out when their child goes missing in a busy shop.
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Originally Posted by ShaniFaye
Damn straight Im gonna panic if my child disappears at a store or mall....there is a reason "code adam" was instituted, and to try to compare that kind of instant fear with your kid being at camp isnt the same thing AT ALL
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I do agree with Shani and Charlatan that freaking out over your child disappearing in a shop is a very different scenario, and yes, it is a universally distressing event--I would also say, regardless of gender or ethnic background. There is the very serious potential of a child getting harmed, or kidnapped, by being out of the parents' sight without supervision. This is not the same as knowingly sending a child to camp with very competent adults in charge at all times.
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Originally Posted by jorgelito
It also depends on what type of Asian demographic because Asians are very diverse and heterogeneous. Since a large number of my Asian friends lived alone (we called them parachute kids, or gen 1.5 ) there was pretty much no parenting. Their parents worked back in Asia, and sent money to the US or Canada for the kids while they went to high school. Talk about freedom. I actually had a friend whose father put down one extra zero in the monthly check by accident so he bought a Porsche. But this is more of an LA, SF, NYC, Chicago, Toronto, Vancouver thing so maybe you never experienced it. There was a lot of partying and wild times I will tell you that. It's a fascinating look.
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Yeah, you're right that I definitely never saw any of that, at least not in my generation or where I grew up. (Can I ask what year you graduated from HS, and where, just for some context?). It sounds quite fascinating as a cultural phenomenon, actually--especially the name "parachute kids" (in contrast with helicopter parents! ha.), though in migrant studies literature, the 1.5 generation is made up of children of immigrants who moved with their parents when they were older than 12 or 13 and tend to have a harder time fitting in to their new society.
Also strange, as it's usually parents who migrate away from Asia to work who send money back to their kids at home--most notably with Filipina moms working in the domestic and care sector abroad--but it sounds like you are describing an upper class of Asian parents, who seemed to have better-paying jobs in Asia, and wanted to have their kids to have a Western education, no? Which is another model entirely...
Anyway, fascinating discussion. The_Jazz, I don't think anyone's saying that it would be better to flick cigarettes at your kids rather than be an overbearing camp parent--obviously, there is a lesser evil there. However, these extremes still worry me... kids generally turn out just fine, and I believe they turn out even better, the less extreme the parenting styles are. Easier said than done, I know. But these are all things that I store up in my mind for when we have kids--and hopefully, I'll remember it when the time comes around.
