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Kurant · 07-22-2008, 05:22 PM

About 11 months ago me and my wife separated - still working on divorce terms, custody, and the fact my parents left me the house we are in when they retired, AND that I was the sole provider - it's just coming down to how much hard cash I'll owe her.

In that time, I met probably the most incredible person I've ever met. She's with a guy in a terrible situation, he basically controls everything she does, from money to where she goes. Stalks her at work, she called me one day hysterically crying cause he choked her while she was asleep. But this week, she's on vacation from her job and they took their boat out and are spending the week camping out somewhere, and I can't talk to her. It's just made me think a lot about where this is going.

None the less, it was a no commitment thing, just someone to hang out with, go to the movies, fishing, camping, or whatever else we wanted to do. Yes, we've had a lot of sex. But, no strings attached, nothing. No feelings - until recently. She told me she loved me. And, I really do love her. She's incredible. I adore her.. I think she's wonderful. She really is the single most incredible person I've ever met. She's my best friend. Now, I had no intention on this ever being a relationship - but I really want it too? ... If that makes any sense. She said she wants it too as well, I've asked her more then once...

The part that makes no sense to me, I asked her to leave and be with me. I have a beautiful home, that just my son and I live in. I make a good living, I didn't ask her to work. Nothing, if nothing else, get the hell out of the situation she's in. I told her I'd pay for the divorce lawyer she still owes money too, and the judgement against her in her divorce from 4 years ago. She always says, "I can't right now, you know that. It can't be any different right now." But I don't understand WHY, and why she won't tell me. I guess I don't trust the fact that she's still in the situation she's in, it doesn't make any sense if it didn't have to do with money. Her boyfriend, whatever he is makes good money. She'd never have anything to worry about. She wouldn't with me either, but I've never told her anything about my living - for a reason. I already married one money-hungry-spending-outta-control woman... I'm not doing it all over again. I'm not willing to turn my very laid back, easy going life upside down for another person, who isn't willing to do the same for me - I gave everything in my first marriage, and it damn near sucked every ounce of sanity out of me. I cannot do it again.

Needless to say, I don't know what to say to her, I don't know where to go with her now. I seriously love this woman. I can't picture myself without her being part of who I am, and part of my life. My son adores her. I just can't get over the fact I have a serious issue with trust right now. Something doesn't add up, and I'm searching for a little bit of help. This is the only place I can ask, or talk about it, and feel comfortable doing it. The other question I have, is if she's doing this with me, why wouldn't she do it TO me?

Any advice is appreciated.

-- K.

07-22-2008, 05:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
Kurant Junkie Location: Don't worry about it.	What have I gotten into here? About 11 months ago me and my wife separated - still working on divorce terms, custody, and the fact my parents left me the house we are in when they retired, AND that I was the sole provider - it's just coming down to how much hard cash I'll owe her. In that time, I met probably the most incredible person I've ever met. She's with a guy in a terrible situation, he basically controls everything she does, from money to where she goes. Stalks her at work, she called me one day hysterically crying cause he choked her while she was asleep. But this week, she's on vacation from her job and they took their boat out and are spending the week camping out somewhere, and I can't talk to her. It's just made me think a lot about where this is going. None the less, it was a no commitment thing, just someone to hang out with, go to the movies, fishing, camping, or whatever else we wanted to do. Yes, we've had a lot of sex. But, no strings attached, nothing. No feelings - until recently. She told me she loved me. And, I really do love her. She's incredible. I adore her.. I think she's wonderful. She really is the single most incredible person I've ever met. She's my best friend. Now, I had no intention on this ever being a relationship - but I really want it too? ... If that makes any sense. She said she wants it too as well, I've asked her more then once... The part that makes no sense to me, I asked her to leave and be with me. I have a beautiful home, that just my son and I live in. I make a good living, I didn't ask her to work. Nothing, if nothing else, get the hell out of the situation she's in. I told her I'd pay for the divorce lawyer she still owes money too, and the judgement against her in her divorce from 4 years ago. She always says, "I can't right now, you know that. It can't be any different right now." But I don't understand WHY, and why she won't tell me. I guess I don't trust the fact that she's still in the situation she's in, it doesn't make any sense if it didn't have to do with money. Her boyfriend, whatever he is makes good money. She'd never have anything to worry about. She wouldn't with me either, but I've never told her anything about my living - for a reason. I already married one money-hungry-spending-outta-control woman... I'm not doing it all over again. I'm not willing to turn my very laid back, easy going life upside down for another person, who isn't willing to do the same for me - I gave everything in my first marriage, and it damn near sucked every ounce of sanity out of me. I cannot do it again. Needless to say, I don't know what to say to her, I don't know where to go with her now. I seriously love this woman. I can't picture myself without her being part of who I am, and part of my life. My son adores her. I just can't get over the fact I have a serious issue with trust right now. Something doesn't add up, and I'm searching for a little bit of help. This is the only place I can ask, or talk about it, and feel comfortable doing it. The other question I have, is if she's doing this with me, why wouldn't she do it TO me? Any advice is appreciated. -- K. Last edited by Kurant; 07-22-2008 at 05:31 PM..