Quote:
Originally Posted by JumpinJesus
See, husband marries wife. Husband has commitment issues and is highly insecure and believes his marriage is doomed from the start. He has a friend who he was always attracted to, and keeps her friendship strong so in case his marriage fails he has someone to turn to. The wife is entirely unaware that her husband is doing this since it comes from an emotionally secret place within her husband.
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Good description. I guess the solution for these kinds of Plan B "types" (is it really so arbitrary?... some people are those types, and some aren't?... isn't it a choice, based on ethics?)... would be to NOT keep a friendship strong with someone he was always attracted to, so that his Plan B-ness would not be to blame if his marriage indeed failed. The whole Plan-B thing seems less like a personality "type" and more a self-reinforcing scenario based on un-dealt with insecurity.
Personally, if I believed in "types" like this one, I would say that I might be prone to such behavior if I had not gone to counseling and was not aware of my patterns of thinking and how those begin to feed into emotion, which if I am not careful, begins to form my particular reality.
For this specific reason, I downgraded all of my male friendships pretty severely since being with ktspktsp, so that no "emotionally secret place" would have the chance to develop. I firmly believe that if you feed these things, they will grow. If you feed your marriage, then it will grow. You decide on how much and what you are going to be feeding. It is not external. It is your own responsibility.
As for being someone else's Plan B... well, it happened once due to my naivete and the other party's total arrogance and assholeness, but once was enough to teach me.