Vindicated0411

It's midnight and I am sitting home alone depressed, sad, angry, and much more. This is something I don't feel that I can talk to my friends about. It's something I am rather ashamed and embarrassed about. This weekend my boyfriend is attending his sisters wedding and I am not going. My excuse is a concert that I wanted to go to. I need advice about my relationship, my boyfriends family. We have been dating since I was 17 and I am going on 22 now, so quite a while. I know he is currently saving for an engagement ring and plans to propose before the year is out. He’s been everything I could ask for in a significant other. He's my right hand, my shoulder to cry on, my best friend, and so much more. I honestly couldn't picture my life without him. Of course we have our small issues and arguments every now and then, but honestly we both agree that we get along well and occasional discrepancies are expected and healthy in a relationship. But there is one major problem between us, his family. Let me rewind and explain a few things about his family so you can understand a little better. His sister and I use to be friends in our early years of high school. We were best friends to be exact, and his family was my family. They basically adopted me while my parents were going through their divorce. I stayed at their house all the time for a year because I never wanted to go home because home was being ripped apart by my parents. Anyway, his sister and I had a falling out. We were growing and changing. We both chose different paths in life. I wanted to make it to college so I was hard core about my academics and extra-curricular activities as well as working all the time to support myself (money was scare when my parents separated). His sister was a bit more of a social butterfly and a rebel and started hanging out with many people that weren't exactly what I consider good influences. One night towards the end of our friendship when things were obviously becoming stressed between us, she smoked pot and was driving rather crazy in the car. Needless to say this scared me and I didn't know how to approach her about her. So I decided to speak with her older brother because I felt he could talk to her about it and persuade her away from some of these things she was doing. Well much to my disappointment and dismay he took the other route and went straight to their parents. She got in major trouble. Solitary grounding for two months and absolutely no privileges at all, no driving, or even phone calls allowed. She hated me after this of course, and wanted nothing more to do with me. I guess in ways I couldn't blame her but I didn't know what else to do and I was worried about her. It may not have been the best choice. All during this time period I was dating this guy in college. He was also a friend of the family. My current boyfriends family to be exact. This guy was a bit older than myself at the time and looking back at it there was a huge maturity difference between us. Despite the age difference we dated for a year and a half. Things ended rather badly when he decided he wanted to be free to pursue another girl that he decided he was attracted to. I was absolutely heart broken, he was my first love. I would still say that to this day. This is where my current boyfriend comes in. Jon was friends with my ex, as well as Jon’s brother. Theres a whole group that was friends. I started talking to Jon a bit when my ex and I were dating because they were friends. But when my ex and I broke up, Jon was the one who I started talking to about everything because he knew both of us and he was away at the same university with my ex. Our conversations grew over a few weeks from me being heart broken to finding out we had a great deal in common and were attracted to each other. This is where it gets nasty and not a day goes by that I don't look at Jon and feel terrible about this. While all this was happening between Jon and I. My ex comes back around and decides he made a mistake and wants to try to work things out. I wasn't completely over him and being stupid, young, and naive, I decided to try things out and not have to wonder what if I didn't try again. Needless to say this hurt Jon quite a bit, because feelings were already developing for me. I didn't take long to realize that my ex and I were not going to work out. I immediately went back to Jon and apologized, he forgave me and said he understood. Now let me take a moment to say. I know this is a lot to take in but I feel I need to include these details to explain why his family doesn't like me. On another side note, I know I may not have made the best decisions during this time period, jumping from guy to guy and I am completely aware of this but Jon and I have discussed it. It's in the past, we survived and all that matters is we are happy together. So back to the story. Jon’s family saw all of this unfold, I hurt him, and they saw this. After that that they were ice cold to me. And it's been like that every since.

I feel very betrayed because his family knew me, they saw me grow up in high school from when Sarah and I were friends. His father even called me "Dautty" a pet name for daughter. But after everything with my ex and Jon’s sister, they hated me. This is been the biggest hurdle for Jon and I to overcome. Family events have been terrible, they wouldn't talk to me, not even a hello, and I have endured it. Last thanksgiving I almost started crying at the table from the nasty looks I got from Jon’s sister-in-law. As time has progressed his parents are civil now and claim they have no problem with me. His siblings are another issue. I still receive the same treatment. Nowadays I go and they pretend I am not there, and I pretend I don't exist. I feel like a mouse in a snake pit. I am reclusive and scared of them. Jon claims he has fussed and them. As time has passed they say they have no problem with me , but still they don't even say hello, I usually have to initiate a conversation but even then they just answer my questions and return to ignoring me. This is a good time for a side note. Jon’s family has changed the past few years as well. His parents have divorced, his father remarried, his brother got married, and now his sister. Everyone as well as Jon agrees his family has become very strange as far as how they function as a family. They are not warm people by any means, they are quite frigid to be honest. Holidays are not warm and welcoming at his parents houses. And as far as Jon goes, they never call him to see how he’s doing, or let him know what’s going on. They just don't even seem like very nice people anymore.

Now for what I know I have done wrong. Needless to say as I stated before I felt very betrayed by Jon’s family after Jon and I started dating. I have become rather bitter towards them on account of this as well as the treatment I have received the past few years. And now things are really coming down with the idea of marriage coming into the picture. There have been sometimes around Jon’s family that I have honestly gone in and tried to be nice and talk a bit and seem more friend and light-hearted but the response has always been the same. And now I am very cynical and skeptical about them. Jon is become very irritated. He’s tells me I need to get over and let bygones be bygones and put the past behind us. I just don’t know if I can. After the falling out and the treatment the past few years. I don't know that I can let this go. In a way they really hurt me. But I also know I Jon.

Jon’s fusses telling me that they are at least civil now, but I don't feel that’s the case. I feel he’s being very naive and doesn't see things the way they truly are but then again my perspective may be skewed as well.

My dilemma I don't know that I can let this grudge go. I don't know how. I am just so angry and hurt by them. Just has told me I need to let it go and try to get along with just the same they need to let it go and try to get along with me. i just really don't know that I can. I need help and advice. Jon has told me this. If i can't let it go and try to get along with his family he doesn't know that he could marry me because he doesn't want to be with someone who can't get along with his family. This hurts because I really still feel that it goes both ways. I have a grudge against his family the same that I feel that still have a grudge against me. Any comments on what to do or just thoughts on the situation would be greatly appreciated. I need as much help as I can get. I am sorry this was so long but I really needed to get this off my chest and look for some help and comfort.

*Tearfully Vindicated0411* ='(

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Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.~ Teddy Roosevelt