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Ladies and gentlemen, friends, hipsters, flipsters, and finger poppin' daddies, I have here the miracle product that will change the very way you live.
It's the new, Ginsu Chainsaw!
It slices. It dices. Makes mounds of julienne fries.
It'll cut down a tree. I will cut down a lamp post. It will saw this small German car clean in half....
And still slice a teenager like a ripe tomato.
Fully weatherproof. Comes in 5 designer colors. Yours for the low, low price of 19.95.
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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