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Originally Posted by abaya
I agree with Jewels. Right on, man... I will be asking you for more advice when our kids come along. And yeah, they're not professionals, but that kind of stuff should be mandatory (in my perfect world)... I think, in the old days, people might have had more of a clue about how to be parents (maybe not the psychology, etc... but just from being around families and kids more often, and having more experience with kids, before having kids). But I could be wrong. (I'll also be asking you for advice when we have kids, too.)
Ktspktsp and I were just saying that we should get some good books on parenting and discipline, way before we even start trying to conceive... just to get a head start on things, review our psychology, etc. Of course, I do think parenting is something that ultimately has to be learned in the trenches, but at little research never hurt anyone. Any recommendations?
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Since this is really not a child-rearing thread I don't know how far I should go into this but ...
I always hear about "kids and parents in the old days" and how much better things were. Sure, you didn't have kids whining for crap like candy and sugared cereals and toys. That's because these things hardly existed; not to mention the hundreds of hours of advertising telling kids they MUST HAVE these things (it's not just on the teevee either). And let's not forget the whole corporal punishment thing. I can't recall meeting anyone my parents age who wasn't disciplined with a belt or paddle. Fear is wonderful tool for controlling those temper tantrums --
not that it is the BEST tool; but it's effective.
Kids also worked in "the old days." If you go far enough back (but less than 100 years) a lot of kids actually had REAL jobs.
So yeah, kids were "better" in the old days in that they didn't throw tantrums and parenting may seem "better" through the romanticized eye of history but I really don't think it was. In fact, given the nature of our litigious society and "pertect the childerns" attitude I'd suspect a lot of parents would be in jail and a lot of kids would be wards of the state.
I have no degree in psychology and my child rarely throws tantrums and occasionally she may whine (especially if she's tired) but we have a pretty good handle on it. I have never read any pop-psych book on child-rearing (I can't stand pop-psychology). But I can tell you what I have observed in almost 7 years of raising a child: children learn through imitation first (which THEN gets reinforced). If you see a whiny or demanding child or a child who is melodramatic (fake-crying) chances are one of the parents is that way. The behavior may be much more subtle in the adult but it's there. Observe closely over time and you'll see. My daughter has a ton of friends around her age and I see patterns in their behavior that I can spot in their parents; even whining and demanding (especially that).
My child? Over analytical (almost to a fault) and she's a little too sensitive (her feelings get hurt pretty easily) but she's not afraid to act really goofy with no regard for the reaction of others. I could go on ... but the point is she's an interesting combination of the personality traits of her mother and me.