Hey folks, I rarely ask for personal advice like this on a public forum but what the hell.. this has been on my mind and I'd like to know what you think. I currently live with my ex-boyfriend, we rented a house together nine months ago as a couple. Prior to that we had dated for two years. I thought we would be compatible as lovers and roommates, and it turned out our apartment leases ended around the same time so we went ahead and moved in together to save money. This was AFTER discussing that we would be civil roommates to one another, even if the relationship didn't work out.
Everything was fine in the beginning but started to turn sour after several months as I started to learn he has an addiction to alcohol and pain pills (which he crushes and snorts). This was not known to me when we had our own separate spaces, mostly because he hid it from me and lied about how much and often he used. He would apparently get trashed on nights we weren't hanging out. Here in the house, I found his stash of booze in his closet (plentiful, too) and confronted him. I told him he had to make a choice, either he starts AA and quits drinking, or we're over. He promised to quit and did well for a few weeks but it didn't last, so our relationship dissolved.
Within the last week, he totaled his car, is now broke, and can barely afford rent this month. He drinks every night and sleeps when he's not working and has several DUI's. I've started distancing myself emotionally and physically from him because of the alcoholism, and because I don't know what else to do. I've tried to talk to him about getting help but it's not working. Drinking makes him psychotic and I can't even talk to him when he's in that state of mind. I have to leave. His behavior becomes erratic, he says hurtful things, and becomes very unpredictable. He has even been violent towards me once, picked me up by my shirt and threw me down, and tonight blocked me from trying to leave the house when I refused to talk to him. After I got by, he followed me very closely until I managed to get in the car and leave.
Two hours later I came home and he had shaved his head, which is a first. He's fucking losing it, seriously.. a completely different person from the guy I met a few years ago.
I want to break my lease and end it all, but I can't afford the $1800 it will cost to do so. He has no intentions of going to AA or rehab so I feel like I'm stuck in a bad situation I can't get out of. This person I once loved is spiraling out of control and trying to take me with him. It's not good.
I fear not only for my safety when he's drinking, but I worry that he might do something terrible to himself. He needs counseling and medication but he can't afford it.
What should I do? My options are:
1) Break the lease and pay the money, I'll probably have to take out a loan to do so. Get him out of my life completely.
2) Try to get a third roommate to help diffuse the situation a little and provide some protection to myself.
3) Stick it out and just try to avoid coming home when he's around until the lease runs up (Feb 29, 2009). Pretend he doesn't exist. Do my own thing.
I am a very frugal person and I can't imagine dumping $1800 into breaking a lease, because I've never had to do this before. I'm a grad student and money is tight. Dealing with an addictive personality is a first for me as I've never known an alcoholic on this intimate of a level.
But I also know I don't want to feel threatened or worried about coming in to my own home. In the end, it's up to him to change and he doesn't seem like he's ready to change. So something has to give.
Thanks for listening, any advice you have would be great. Tell me what you would do if you were in my shoes......