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Originally Posted by onesnowyowl
abaya, I hope you don't mind but I talked to my mother about your situation. Her main piece of advice was: "Follow your heart and you can't go wrong." Expanding on that, she said that if you're miserable and find it isn't worth it, then you should walk away from it, and do what makes you happy.
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Btw, I don't mind at all. From what you've told all of us about your parents, I respect them for being wise people. Thanks for honoring me with asking your mother about the situation!
Thing is, I've always been one to follow my heart. That's how I got to this spot in the first place... it was almost accidental, a grad school opportunity that fell into my lap while I was pursuing other things. I'm not the type who did the "practical" thing all my life and kept my dreams on hold for later... I've tried to live my dreams for as long as I remember, experiencing as much as I could whenever I had the chance. But I am the type of person who thrives on change, who can't do one thing for too long... if I feel that I am being limited in the realm of human experience, then I get claustrophobic and eventually break out of whatever cage I happen to be in. So the part of me that wants to quit, is that part of me.
The part of me that is keeping me committed to the program... well, that's the grown-up part of me that says this is the adult, practical thing to do, that in the end it will pay off, that I can't just fly around from activity to activity like I used to do when I was younger, that I have to choose something, and this isn't all that bad. I am not very good at listening to that voice. I never have been. Sometimes adulthood just seems to be one cage after another, and you just have to pick one that is least uncomfortable. I am not yet ready to surrender to that reality, and I'm aware that I'm privileged in having that choice. Very few people get to escape out of even one cage that they're born into, let alone changing them whenever they feel like it (see, there's the guilt again).
And some voice is saying, "This is all just masturbatory navel-gazing. Shut up and get back to work, and soon this will all be over." I don't know whose voice that is, actually... or whether it's right or wrong.
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Originally Posted by punkmusicfan21
My point is your probably the same, find a few things that sound nice, analyze it to death, then choose the best of those options.
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Thanks for your kind words, btw. And don't worry, we are the same in that aspect... I analyze pretty much EVERYTHING to death, so I'll exhaust whatever options I might have available to me.