So some mod who shall remain nameless recently PM'd me and mentioned that he thinks I have a martyr complex. To be fair he didn't use those exact words but said something like: I am making myself into a Jesus. This is simply not true. I have a paranoid belief that people are out to get me. Luckily, it's more of a creeping suspicion than it is a reality... but at some point you've got to look at where you stand. View your place in the world and question the very nature of reality.
Columbus sailed to the West Indies. He had no clue where he was going. Perhaps he thought he was sailing around the world... but it was only a suspicion. The truth was that every so often -he had to use the stars to chart his path. He had to verify that the ocean currents and the wind weren't sending him in circles. Columbus also had to verify that his crew wasn't secretly turning the ship around while he was asleep. Checking his location was a sort of sanity check.
This process of sanity checking is crucial in everything I do. When I write a software program -I write unit and micro-integration tests. I do this to verify that the software is indeed doing what I intend it to do. It can be compared to tasting ones own food while cooking a complicated dish. You want to make sure that the dish is indeed "going in the right direction". With this knowledge, lets proceed to making pizza.
Long after Columbus sailed to the West Indies -the Spanish started to conquer the western lands. Pizza, was invented after Italian chefs heard about the Tostada in the new world. They tried their hand after reading about Aztec food. They created a sauce using a new world fruit: the tomato. (Similarly, spaghetti was invented after sampling Chow Mein noodles).
(Some of this history is contestable... contest it below).
Now here is a little secret about pizza:
HOMEMADE PIZZA IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO SCREW UP. The caveat to this statement is that you must frequently sample the food as a sort of "sanity check" while you are cooking. You must constantly taste the food. I recommend using a wooden spoon that you rinse off constantly. Metal spoons have a metalic taste that conflicts with tomato sauce. Metal spoons also get really hot and burnt tongues are not as good at tasting. Hence the solution is to use a wooden spoon for your "unit tests".
So let's start with a few ingrediants:
And you say: "Wait a minute that's not an ingrediant"
Well yes it is. You see, Mrs. Astrocloud is gone for a few weeks and if she sees what I am doing to the kitchen -
she will freak out! In reality, pizza making is a very messy process. It is best to clean up before the process and after it. This is general good life practice as well. Avoid making a mess if you can -you don't want to piss off the Mrs. or the mods.
Here are some of my other ingredients:
The reason I say "some" and not "all" -is that, quite frankly I forgot to include some. I've been saving up my ingredients for several 'grocery shoppings' now and I forgot entirely what I have and what I just got. So here is the short list of what anyone would need to replicate what I am about to do. Here's another pic:
I forgot so many that I implore any who are trying to follow this simple pizza recipe to get some basic Italian seasonings in their cupboard. (Either that or read ahead).
For this demonstration we will be making Pepperoni and Elephant Garlic Pizza on a Rye crust.
So anyways you always start with the crust. Crust is essential not only because you ought to make it before the sauce -but also because physically it cooks before the sauce. (It's on the bottom of the pan and receives the heat first). I estimate crust to be at a minimum 1/4 of the pizza -the whole pizza being crust, sause, cheese and toppings.
The first step is to have a variety of beers:
The reason is because you are supposed to be into the
flavor of the intoxicant. I prefer a hoppy drink. One which stands alone when you take on the entire police force.
The police are nuts anyways. So take a cup of White (or Whole Wheat):
And also take a cup of rye flour:
By the way also take a splash of Gluten:
The issue is that gluten typically leads to a stretchy dough. Here, we are looking less stretchy. Retrospectively, I would half this.
Put a little chocolate in it. Truth is that people are going to make a big deal out of it. It really is no big deal. It adds slightly to the flavor but mostly to the color.
Here is where you make a difference with the flavor. Want to make a "rye" flavor? Then add caraway. This is all marketing. Caraway means if something is "rye". Actual rye has no flavor different than wheat. Now you know.
Here's another thing don't put alot of salt into the whole package:
If you have any issues just whisk them away. No seriously it is easier if you knead the dough prior to mixing it with a whisk:
Now you should be asking how I am going to raise this doe
This is a terrible picture but apparently I am adding 1 tsp of pure Molassis to this picture. In retrospect, it would be more appropriate at 1/1/2 of molassis.
You want to add Warm water to the whole mixture:
Copy the substance:
Here I stop and am available for any questions.
Do you have any questions thusfar?