Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Unemployed spouse duties vs. Employed Spouse duties

Jim Kata · 06-10-2008, 07:46 AM

Need some feedback here.

Am I being an asshole because I ask my wife to do things at the house since she is currently unemployed? Things = clean up around the house (85% of the mess is her clothes, shoes, magazines, etc), clean up HER messes in the bathroom (I am the only one that does the major cleaning in there), wait for the cable guy or other service technicians, pick up groceries, you know...things that responsible adults would do.

I know she is stressed about the job hunt...and I try being supportive. She usually applies for jobs til about noon. After that she goes shopping with her mother or goes out to lunch with her, or watches tv or plays videogames. Thats all fine and dandy and I actually have always encouraged her to do things with her mother. But now that she has all of this time on her hands and I am at work for 9 hours or so a day, I've asked her to do some of those things so I don't have to as soon as I get home and so I can get some relaxation time too. But whenever I say that, I'm an asshole and we get into huge fights. I'm told I don't take her feelings in consideration.

Again, I know she is stressed because of the job hunt. She was the main breadwinner in our household. She hasn't had hardly any call backs or interviews and she has been applying to close to a dozen jobs a week since April 1st. But is it so wrong of me to ask her to be a responsible adult and keep the house clean since she has an assload of free time and WE always talk about how the house looks so much better when its clean.

And keep in mind, I do not expect her to do all the house work. I still do more than my share of "chores" around the house which do include cleaning, cooking, making calls that need to be made, I'm just asking for a little more effort on her part. And it just needs to be done thoroughly once and the rest will be all maintenance, that won't take more than an hour a week once it is all initially done.

I just am so pissed off about this whole situation of her bitching about me asking her to do a little more around the house and help keep our house nice and neat since she has waaay more time than me to do it.

Thoughts?

Asshole or not asshole?

What can I do without being more of a bitch in the relationship than I already am when it comes to her 3 or 4 hours of work (job hunting) vs. my 8 or 9 hours a work a day and getting our house back into shape?

06-10-2008, 07:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
Jim Kata Swollen Member Location: Northern VA	Unemployed spouse duties vs. Employed Spouse duties Need some feedback here. Am I being an asshole because I ask my wife to do things at the house since she is currently unemployed? Things = clean up around the house (85% of the mess is her clothes, shoes, magazines, etc), clean up HER messes in the bathroom (I am the only one that does the major cleaning in there), wait for the cable guy or other service technicians, pick up groceries, you know...things that responsible adults would do. I know she is stressed about the job hunt...and I try being supportive. She usually applies for jobs til about noon. After that she goes shopping with her mother or goes out to lunch with her, or watches tv or plays videogames. Thats all fine and dandy and I actually have always encouraged her to do things with her mother. But now that she has all of this time on her hands and I am at work for 9 hours or so a day, I've asked her to do some of those things so I don't have to as soon as I get home and so I can get some relaxation time too. But whenever I say that, I'm an asshole and we get into huge fights. I'm told I don't take her feelings in consideration. Again, I know she is stressed because of the job hunt. She was the main breadwinner in our household. She hasn't had hardly any call backs or interviews and she has been applying to close to a dozen jobs a week since April 1st. But is it so wrong of me to ask her to be a responsible adult and keep the house clean since she has an assload of free time and WE always talk about how the house looks so much better when its clean. And keep in mind, I do not expect her to do all the house work. I still do more than my share of "chores" around the house which do include cleaning, cooking, making calls that need to be made, I'm just asking for a little more effort on her part. And it just needs to be done thoroughly once and the rest will be all maintenance, that won't take more than an hour a week once it is all initially done. I just am so pissed off about this whole situation of her bitching about me asking her to do a little more around the house and help keep our house nice and neat since she has waaay more time than me to do it. Thoughts? Asshole or not asshole? What can I do without being more of a bitch in the relationship than I already am when it comes to her 3 or 4 hours of work (job hunting) vs. my 8 or 9 hours a work a day and getting our house back into shape?