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The Lone Ranger, camping in the wilderness with Tonto, was bitten on the penis by a rattlesnake when he squattted near a tree to take a crap.
"Tonto, quickly, ride into town and ask for help," said the Lone Ranger, writhing in agony.
Tonto rode into town and ran into the doctor's office. "Doctor, the Lone Ranger has been bitten by rattlesnake, him need help!"
The doctor said, "I can't leave right now, Tonto. Go back to the Lone Ranger and suck the poison out of the wound, then slap tobacco juice on it. He should be ok in a couple of days."
Tonto rode back to camp, thinking hard all the while about where the rattlesnake had bitten the Lone Ranger.
"Tonto, what did the doctor say?" asked the Lone Ranger.
Tonto replied, "Doctor say you gonna die, Kemo Sabe."
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