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yournamehere · 05-25-2008, 10:30 AM

Married woman + liquor + assertive man = bad news.

Just my $.02, from a decade and a half of experience as a bartender. I've seen it all. The names change; the story doesn't. And let me also throw in this: Anyone - male or female - who spends 8 hours a day in a bar three nights a week has a drinking problem. Period. The possible exception is that rare individual who can nurse a drink for two hours, and alternate with non-alcoholic drinks throughout the night, and leave sober at last call. This doesn't sound like your wife fits into that category, though.

Barflies (a horribly sexist and perhaps outdated term, I know - but sometimes apt) are there for only two things: Sex and/or alcohol (and drugs). Either way, you finish 3rd on a bad day; 2nd on a good day.

Or . . . . . it could be completely innocent, just the way your wife tells it. But the odds are against that.

It's one thing to go out with co-workers for Happy Hour; staying out till the bars close (and the rest of the female companions have long ago gone home to their husbands) 3 nights a week is quite another.

Also, I think it's time for a talk with the male co-worker. I think you should let him know there will be consequences if he comes on to your wife again.

And if I'm allowed another $.02, I think there should have been consequences for the first time.

I feel for you - I was once engaged to a woman who had everything - great looks, great sense of humor, promising career, even a sickeningly rich family. But I had to call it off because I came to the realization that I would always come in second to alcohol in her life. It was a difficult decision, but I very quickly came to realize it was for the best.

I'm not saying you should kick her to the curb and run like hell, but you and she have some difficult conversations ahead of you. I suspect she needs help with her drinking problem (and don't let her say it's not a problem - it's a problem to you - and that's as real as it needs to be). Hopefully, she'll realize that and be thankful she has someone who will be willing to stand by her during a difficult transition. If she doesn't, you might want to think about what's best for you in the long run.

Good luck.

.

05-25-2008, 10:30 AM	#21 (permalink)
yournamehere Invisible Location: tentative, at best	Married woman + liquor + assertive man = bad news. Just my $.02, from a decade and a half of experience as a bartender. I've seen it all. The names change; the story doesn't. And let me also throw in this: Anyone - male or female - who spends 8 hours a day in a bar three nights a week has a drinking problem. Period. The possible exception is that rare individual who can nurse a drink for two hours, and alternate with non-alcoholic drinks throughout the night, and leave sober at last call. This doesn't sound like your wife fits into that category, though. Barflies (a horribly sexist and perhaps outdated term, I know - but sometimes apt) are there for only two things: Sex and/or alcohol (and drugs). Either way, you finish 3rd on a bad day; 2nd on a good day. Or . . . . . it could be completely innocent, just the way your wife tells it. But the odds are against that. It's one thing to go out with co-workers for Happy Hour; staying out till the bars close (and the rest of the female companions have long ago gone home to their husbands) 3 nights a week is quite another. Also, I think it's time for a talk with the male co-worker. I think you should let him know there will be consequences if he comes on to your wife again. And if I'm allowed another $.02, I think there should have been consequences for the first time. I feel for you - I was once engaged to a woman who had everything - great looks, great sense of humor, promising career, even a sickeningly rich family. But I had to call it off because I came to the realization that I would always come in second to alcohol in her life. It was a difficult decision, but I very quickly came to realize it was for the best. I'm not saying you should kick her to the curb and run like hell, but you and she have some difficult conversations ahead of you. I suspect she needs help with her drinking problem (and don't let her say it's not a problem - it's a problem to you - and that's as real as it needs to be). Hopefully, she'll realize that and be thankful she has someone who will be willing to stand by her during a difficult transition. If she doesn't, you might want to think about what's best for you in the long run. Good luck. . __________________ If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors: "If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too." It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.