|
Going on 9 years and still very happy. Like Shani I don't think we've ever had a fight.
All our bank accounts have been consolidated and shared, we share a single bathroom without shame, the sex is less frequent, but still rockin...
Why?
Partly a good match: She's decisive, I'm an accomodater.
Neither of us are consumed by insecurities or a need for drama.
We're financially comfortable.
Our extended families are decent and supportive people rather than sources of anxiety.
Our tempermants align. We both prefer a quiet night at home than a wild night on the town.
This is not to say that there's nothing to work on. My wife does almost all of the cooking and cleaning so I have to be careful not to become complacent and stay aware of how hard she's working. My 9-5 job is not a hall pass.
Our biggest anxiety (and note: common goal) is our children. We're coming to terms with the fact that our 3yo son is very high energy and as he prepares to enter the school system we're pulling our hair out that he'll never be able to sit still and pay attention. He's also exhausting so there's little energy for our own hobbies and pursuits, but we'll work through this and blaming each other will not be the first move.
My greatest fear about our marriage is that as we age, we'll grow into the worst aspects of our own parents. My father in law is both unfailingly caring, but also absent minded and my mother in law is generous and loyal but also can be vindictive. He's constantly losing keys and messing up instructions and gets flustered dealing with common tasks and she can be mean about it. I can think of few worse hells than sitting in their car as they try to find the best parking spot. Everytime I mess up a task or misplace something I cringe a little and pray it's not the begining of my decline.
Given that, it's good advice to carefully observe the relationships of the parents. You can learn a lot from how they behave and what qualites you and your SO share with them.
__________________
Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life
|