Well, in my experience, that trip "back to friend mode" is pretty much non-existant. Once you ask a married co-worker to fuck you in the parking lot, it's kind of a one-way deal. That's what he wants to do, and if he can, he will. She can set him down hard, and maybe that friendship will wither. That's about the best you can hope for - and maybe down the line after people have the chance to grow and learn, and actual friendship could develop. If she leaves it hanging, it's probably going to invite him to get it another go at some point.
I do recognize
onesnowy's point, especially after perusing the other thread. Some people just like the bar-life - I used to love it. But life is about choices and compromises - and hanging out and appearing distant from you in a bar...is well, being distant from you in a bar. How does she handle her drinking? I like to drink, my girlfriend doesn't. I drink around the house, but I wouldn't leave her ass at home repeatedly to go get fucked up. I think the signal that would send to her...well, would be exactly the same signal you're receiving from your wife. It sounds a little something like "I don't give a shit how you feel." Most people I know wouldn't want to be home, after working all day, and having their partner off getting hammered with other people, some of whom want to fuck them in the back seat of their VW.
