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geep · 06-05-2003, 12:57 PM

If a woman had a physical defect, such as a club foot, would you tell her you won't marry her until she has a doctor fix it? I hope not. Insecurity is a handicap no different from any physical defect. You should treat it no differently. Talk to her about the possibility of counseling but don't threaten her with breaking off the marriage unless she does. Don't hang contingencies on a situation were they could turn against you. No counselor in the world can help someone who doesn't want to be helped, so what if she doesn't want to change? Will you just dump her then? Ask yourself this question- How much do you love her? If you truly love her then her handicap should not stop you from marrying her. She does need to know how you feel about those questions and Ganon is right on the mark. Put it back in her court. Ask her how she'll feel about your answer. The only way you will become her support sytem is if you let it happen. Tell her you're uncomfortable with these types of questions and tell her why. Tell her that you love her and tell her why. People put way to much emphasis on physical appearance. In my previous post I said I have no problem telling my insecure wife that she is the most beautiful woman in the world TO ME. I say this to her because I believe it. Surely some women are more attractive than my wife but my love for her gives her a beauty that no porn queen can match. Why would I want to be with my wife forever if I didn't believe that? Wouldn't that mean I'M insecure for settling with a less than beautiful woman. Shouldn't I want the best? I believe I have it, and I tell her that, too. I talk to her openly about her insecurity and she knows it exists and how I feel about it. She knows she should work on it but whether she does or not is NOT the determining factor in our relationship. I am not her crutch but I refuse to let her insecurity stop me from being with the woman I love. I also have some insecurities of my own. Any person that says they feel 100% secure 100% of the time is a liar.
Maybe she shouldn't have married me until I worked them out?

06-05-2003, 12:57 PM	#21 (permalink)
geep Insane Location: Imprisoned in Ecotopia	If a woman had a physical defect, such as a club foot, would you tell her you won't marry her until she has a doctor fix it? I hope not. Insecurity is a handicap no different from any physical defect. You should treat it no differently. Talk to her about the possibility of counseling but don't threaten her with breaking off the marriage unless she does. Don't hang contingencies on a situation were they could turn against you. No counselor in the world can help someone who doesn't want to be helped, so what if she doesn't want to change? Will you just dump her then? Ask yourself this question- How much do you love her? If you truly love her then her handicap should not stop you from marrying her. She does need to know how you feel about those questions and Ganon is right on the mark. Put it back in her court. Ask her how she'll feel about your answer. The only way you will become her support sytem is if you let it happen. Tell her you're uncomfortable with these types of questions and tell her why. Tell her that you love her and tell her why. People put way to much emphasis on physical appearance. In my previous post I said I have no problem telling my insecure wife that she is the most beautiful woman in the world TO ME. I say this to her because I believe it. Surely some women are more attractive than my wife but my love for her gives her a beauty that no porn queen can match. Why would I want to be with my wife forever if I didn't believe that? Wouldn't that mean I'M insecure for settling with a less than beautiful woman. Shouldn't I want the best? I believe I have it, and I tell her that, too. I talk to her openly about her insecurity and she knows it exists and how I feel about it. She knows she should work on it but whether she does or not is NOT the determining factor in our relationship. I am not her crutch but I refuse to let her insecurity stop me from being with the woman I love. I also have some insecurities of my own. Any person that says they feel 100% secure 100% of the time is a liar. Maybe she shouldn't have married me until I worked them out?