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Originally Posted by Manic_Skafe
There isn't much to say about this that hasn't already been said but I can definitely see how begging and pleading for sex doesn't exactly get the juices flowing. Hell, I can't imagine being aroused enough to have sex - even if it's terrible sex - with someone who obviously doesn't want me in the same way.
Communication obviously is key but I can't imagine how pity sex can contain even a sliver of self-respect. I'd consider fixing things on an individual level before tackling the issues of the relationship.
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I was in a situation almost exactly like the OP's for quite some time, and you pretty much hit the nail exactly on the head.
If that's the situation that one finds themselves in, then they need to try to fix it. I've posted about it before, but I think that it's really way too easy to fall into the "oh, sex isn't
that big of a deal" line of thinking, if only to avoid the fact that there's a very real issue with the relationship that might not be resolvable.
People can do it with any serious problem with a relationship, really: lack of sex, abuse, lack of communication, etc. I don't think that anybody in a long-term relationship
wants it to end, so they look for excuses to keep it going, such as trying to convince themselves that they've just got unrealistic expectations, or that having to practically beg their partner for any sort of physical intimacy is anything close to an acceptable situation.
To the OP, I'll get the obvious out of the way first:
Cheating = Bad.
Beyond that, it's a matter of how important sex is to you, and how much you want to try and preserve the relationship. You need to figure out if the other aspects of the relationship are worth fighting for.
Also, have you had a completely honest discussion about this with your partner yet? Even if nothing gets resolved with that discussion in and of itself, your partner's reaction to your issues should also tell you volumes. In my situation, I was pretty much repeatedly told that the problem was entirely mine to fix. There was no concern shown for the fact that I felt that this should be the kind of thing we should both be working on.
If you talk to your partner and they show concern for the fact that you feel this way and seem to honestly want to try and fix it, then great. If they brush you off, make it seem like you're asking too much (hint: You're not), or something similar, it shows a problem with the relationship that's much more like a complete lack of respect for your needs than just a strictly physical issue.