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I realize that it does sound bad and after re-reading my post I probably should have waited to post until I had calmed down.
How it happened was that I was demanding the truth from him. When I asked him he gave me his normal answer of because masturbation is a thoughtless act and porn alows him not to think. Porn is different everytime. I pointed out well I'm always the same does he want something different in real life and he said no because sex with me is different everytime to look at our pictures he has to think about it. This didn't make sense to me and I asked him why he had to "think" about our pictures, was it because what made it easy for porn was because he didn't have to overlook a tubby tummy and he said yes. So I asked what parts of me do turn him on and he said I love all of you which is stock answer so I asked again and he wouldn't answer so I just said so the only parts of me that turn you on are my tits, ass and face? And thats when he said yes. I could tell he hated admitting this.
Since this we have sat down and talked, he has taken the time to hold me and tell me everything he loves about me, said hes proud of my weight loss and even if I didn't lose the weight he loved me just the same. He says he is dissatisfied with the way he looks and doesn't understand how I do not feel the same about him.
I am actually doing better than I thought I would be about this, I did rib him today when he grabbed me and leaned his head against my tummy and said I'm the best pillow ever. I told him it was cuz of the fat he didn't like. He chuckled and said that he never claimed he made any sense.
He sounds a lot worst in this post than he actually is. Hes a good guy and you ladies aren't the only ones who wonder. Other people, him included, say I have the patience of a saint with him. I chalk a lot of it up to delayed social skills. He was the typical nerd who played on his computer ALL the time and barely had any friends before we started dating. But as crazy as it sounds I can't give him up he is my best friend and for the damage that he may do sometimes, he has done 100x that in good.
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Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey
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