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I consider looking at porn no more important than playing WoW or something. It's a time killer that can be exciting, boring, funny or educational. It becomes a problem when it's used in place of a relationship.
I sympathize with the body issues/esteem. There's also (so it's been said), a real correlation between abuse and esteem, even if the abuser never made that connection. A kind of "damaged goods" mentality takes over.
You need to be proud of yourself. Embrace what's great, pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments and don't allow commentary to influence you and your goals.
Maybe porn bothers you because it looks like abuse? And the bf is enjoying looking at it and all the phony plastic women, which exacerbates the issue. Just guessing....but know they ARE phony plastic women, faking noise into a microphone. You are real, you are what he is attracted to and you are on a pathway to making those phony women WISH they were you.
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