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Originally Posted by Ustwo
Pain in sex I'd argue was due to something else beyond a normal imprinting. Pain is something we as a whole try to avoid, thats sort of the definition of something that hurts, its why it hurts, its good to avoid it.
For some people I think there is a bit of a blur there so that some pleasure can come out of the pain itself or maybe it just makes the pleasure more intense.
I don't really 'get' it but I would think its not the same kind of thing that would cause a foot fetish or the like.
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Yeah, it's something most people avoid, which is why it's a fetish..at least according to my definition of the word. And I'm sure that it's not the same thing as a foot fetish but I also would think that each fetish has it's own trigger and that no two fetishes really occur because of the same thing.
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Originally Posted by guccilvr
while it may not be necessary to have the fetish to participate in sexual activities .. some people do go overboard with their fetishes (after all isn't the very definition of a fetish an abnormal amount of affection or obsession toward an object or feeling?) and thus cannot achieve sexual gratification without the fetish being a part of the sexual experience.
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I don't think that someone with a fetish has to have that as part of their experience every time though. I mean, I know I don't and, from what I know of other people, most of them don't either. But just because you don't have to have it all the time doesn't make it any less of a fetish either...
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Originally Posted by space209
And how do you tell your lover your fetish if your lover does not have that fetish .
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I totally skipped this until now. As far as how you discuss it with a partner, you just do. Communication is key if you want to have a mutually pleasing relationship. If it scares them away or something (which I've had happen) then they're probably boring anyways.