space209

I was checking out Wikipedia on sexuality and found common fetish and less common fetish.But some strange fetish like Abasiophilia,Algolagnia,attraction to amputation or amputees so on? Where does those fetish come from or is it in your DNA?

I can see foot fetish ,panty fetish ,underwear fetish nylon or pajama fetish but attraction to amputation or amputees or pee fetish.

Where did they pick up that fetish or are you born with the fetish ?

And how do you tell your lover your fetish if your lover does not have that fetish .

Manic_Skafe

It's all a matter of perspective. I'm guessing from your post that what you would consider risqué or even obscene would be what I consider warming up.

As long as the desire stems from a healthy place and the parties involved are in a healthy relationship then those feelings are much better left in the realm of emotions that are incapable of being expressed as well as they are felt.

Hell, if my lady asked me to urinate on her I wouldn't try to intellectualize it.

Communication.

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Craven Morehead

different strokes for different folks

trying to reason why one has a fetish is no different than trying to determine why I prefer brunettes over blondes.

MrFriendly

I think it's partly in peoples nature to constantly push the envelope and want more than they have.

I think sexual fetishes are partly born out of the desire to keep sex interesting.

But I agree with Craven, trying to intellectualize or analyze it is not more productive than trying to find out why some people are sexual aroused by members of the same sex, or why some people like a particular skin or hair color over another.

I do, however, feel that fetishes are an entirely intellectual construct, as in, I don't feel there is a biological reason for it.

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lotsofmagnets

from my own experience i´m under the impression fetish perhaps stems from early sexual contact, i.e. things (like porn and conversations between friends etc) you were exposed to when just starting to go through puberty.

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mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

cadre

What's curious about this statement is that it would seem many fetishes do not stem from a healthy place. Pedophilia for example.

Maybe kaynollie will get in on this but he said once that he thinks it all stems back to childhood. I honestly don't see how that could be for most fetishes (though it does definitely occur). I think it's in some people's nature to be more adventurous and that many fetishes stem directly from that desire. But who knows how personal preferences are created, no one can really figure it out. It's got to be both nature and nurture but other than that you can't pin it down too easily.

It's curious but in the end I don't really care. Whatever floats your boat!

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My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

space209

Some say fetishes are a learn hehavior some say it is in your DNA.The movies show a girl taking her clothes off and just before sex shows underwear,pajamas or panties AND THIS is the clothing you don't go out in public they are too sexy or lewd.

The beach the g-string and other sexy clothing.In the movies prostitutes in black leather boots or black leather jackets and stocking and other tight pants.

After looking at movies over and over it may that if you dress like that you are sexy and than sexy later on becomes a fetishes .


Why do you think alot of prostitutes dress like that.The 60's the rebellious time blue jeans and legging too sexy big taboo .

The pop stars crop tops and tight jeans the skimpy clothing showing alot of shin.

What I'm saying is may be society has some thing to do with it.

And looking at porn big butts and boobs !!! May be it is the porn looking at big butts and boobs over and over it than becomes a fetishes ..

Acetylene

A fetish is not the same thing as having a favorite sexy body part. Certainly not boobs. Women have boobs because we were selectively bred to have them by generations of men liking them. Why else are we the only primate, or really the only mammal to have large, decorative breasts? (Udders don't count)

It is completely natural to like boobs--and butts, since they are another secondary sexual characteristic that we have specifically to attract men--and it is also natural to enjoy clothing and linerie that accentuates these important secondary sexual characteristics. Thongs, leggings, and jeans all show off a nice, round butt. And DUH--revealing clothing is GOING TO BE EXCITING because it shows more of the good stuff!

Fetishes are something that go a little outside the norm, that involve something that, biologically, isn't part of the usual constellation of body parts and behaviors that attract men and women together.

Mini-skirts with an inch of butt showing? Not a fetish. Bunny costume? Fetish. Bustier that shapes a narrow waist and makes the hips and breasts look larger (hourglass figure)? NOT a fetish. Black leather mask? Fetish!

That being said, you can learn a lot about fetishes here:
http://www.avclub.com/content/savagelove

This is a well-written and respected sex column specializing in the most unusual of fetishes, and he often addresses issues such as where they come from or what to do about it, or how to tell your girlfriend. The most common causes seem to be sexualized fear (beating fetishes, for example) and power (diaper fetishes, for example) or a combination (rape fetish).read the column, it's useful for the vanilla types too.

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There's no justice. There's just us.

little_tippler

I don't have much to say on this subject except that I couldn't help but count that in the OP the word fetish appears 14 times in a very short number of phrases....

Do you have a fetish about fetishes?

I agree that a sexual fetish is something that excites one sexually that goes outside the usual tastes of the majority of people.

Why do people have these fetishes? I can't really offer much there because I personally don't have any fetishes myself, that I can conjure up. For some, it may just be exciting to combine sex and something risky or dangerous. In other cases, it seems like the brain may have some strange hardwiring going on. And then, of course some must stem from the person's most basic "child needs" that have never been totally resolved.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

lotsofmagnets

soooo what you´re saying is that if i have a fetish, a few generations down the track women will generically receive what i wanted?

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

Glory's Sun

I was under the impression that a fetish typically meant that it was almost necessary for that element to be in play in order to achieve sexual arousal? While it's true that most of these are outside of "normal" sexual considerations, I think that most things have become labeled as fetish even when they are in fact, just natural responses to the sexual psyche.

and yes there are bad fetishes such as pedophilia, necrophelia, etc. They all just fall under the big umbrella of paraphilia

Ustwo

I have a fetish for naked women.

What?

My thought, and its completely unbackedup by any scientific works I'm aware of, is that a fetish is more like sexual imprinting. At a key time in your life, or perhaps by constant association, something gets imprinted into your sexual thought processes.

There would be a genetic component involved but only in the susceptibility. I would not be surprised if some families show more sexual fetishism but I'd be surprised if they all had the same fetishes (though some sharing would be understandable, if Jr. found daddies foot fetish magazines he too might develop a foot fetish.)

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cadre

That makes sense to me too. Though, I'd argue against people who say I have a fetish for pain because I was beaten as a child. That just doesn't make sense to me, mostly because I wasn't. As I understand it, that's not really what you're saying but the whole childhood thing is something I've heard a lot.

I've always found it curious that some people have much different preferences and what little background I have in Psychology has yet to fully explain it.

That said, I don't think that you if you have a fetish you have to have it every time you're participating in sexual activities.

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Ustwo

Pain in sex I'd argue was due to something else beyond a normal imprinting. Pain is something we as a whole try to avoid, thats sort of the definition of something that hurts, its why it hurts, its good to avoid it.

For some people I think there is a bit of a blur there so that some pleasure can come out of the pain itself or maybe it just makes the pleasure more intense.

I don't really 'get' it but I would think its not the same kind of thing that would cause a foot fetish or the like.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Glory's Sun

while it may not be necessary to have the fetish to participate in sexual activities .. some people do go overboard with their fetishes (after all isn't the very definition of a fetish an abnormal amount of affection or obsession toward an object or feeling?) and thus cannot achieve sexual gratification without the fetish being a part of the sexual experience.

Acetylene

There's two reasons I've heard of that cause pain fetishes.

The first one is something that also happens with self-inflicted pain, which is that the person begins to enjoy the body's hormones that are released in response to pain (adrenaline, etc.). They can even become sort of addicted to them, the way athletes become "addicted" to the endorphin rush. It can also give them a feeling of power over their own bodies by being able to stand it; hence an association between marginalized and disenfranchised people, esp. teens, and "cutting".

The second is that fears can become internalized and then sexualized as a way of "owning" and thus reconciling with the fear. This is usually involved in rape, kidnapping, and abuse fetishes; they can involve elaborate situations to play on specific fears that the people involved are dealing with.

I know there's a lot more to it than this, especially in the complexities of S&M relationships, but that's my little piece of knowlege out there for y'all.

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cadre

Yeah, it's something most people avoid, which is why it's a fetish..at least according to my definition of the word. And I'm sure that it's not the same thing as a foot fetish but I also would think that each fetish has it's own trigger and that no two fetishes really occur because of the same thing.

I don't think that someone with a fetish has to have that as part of their experience every time though. I mean, I know I don't and, from what I know of other people, most of them don't either. But just because you don't have to have it all the time doesn't make it any less of a fetish either...

I totally skipped this until now. As far as how you discuss it with a partner, you just do. Communication is key if you want to have a mutually pleasing relationship. If it scares them away or something (which I've had happen) then they're probably boring anyways.

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space209

Here is the thing .You must learn to like nude people,boobs,big butts,soft porn or hard porn,girls masterbating,people having sex,sucking and licking so on.You are not just born and at age 12 like all that .The brain does not need logic this is body parts,clothing,object,fantasy so on.

We learn by are environment.And there may be some animal instinct just to mate imprinted when one is born.

Has for why some people like this and other people like that , is what scientist are scratching their head.To say all is environment does not seem to work with some fetish like why people like blue jeans or leather jacket.Or why some find dipers or pajamas a turn on.

Why some people who have a fetish only get a big turn on for pajamas and not porn.And why some get a turn on from both porn or pajamas.

space209

Well after doing some reading the medical community does not know what causes it.

Could be:

-DNA
-You are born with it
-learn behavior.
-environment
-genetics
-people around you are into it.
-by looking at fetish web site.

Now how does your brain process soft porn,hard porn and fetish or does it process it the same.


I check that web site and there does not seem to be too much information on it.

tisonlyi

fetish or predilection?

predilection helps you get there, fetish you can't do without.

what is Mr O. P referring to?

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space209

sorry I have been away and very busy of late.May be a better way is what web sites or message boards deal with it.Than asking people here about fetish or want they like .Than I can learn as much as I like than sounding like a troll.

Has the post here are not that scientific but what people think is a fetish or where it comes from like DNA,you born with it,environment,learn behavior so on.

abaya

Agreed on all points. As long as no one is breaking any laws and it's not one of the "bad" fetishes (as already mentioned: pedophilia, necrophilia, etc), it comes down to the individuals involved and their relationship. Intellectualizing these things gets you nowhere... I figured that out a while ago. I'm the type that always wants to know "why"... and I still do, to some extent... but when it comes to this, I have to let go of my need to know.

If one person has a fetish or kink (the two are not the same, but I have a feeling they are being conflated in this thread) and the other person doesn't, then the relationship needs to be at a point of such utter trust and openness that they can communicate about it without fear of judgment. That is what we aim for in our marriage, at least.

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lotsofmagnets

truer words have never been spoken

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

yay4tay

The really bizarre ones like amputees and shoes seem to be cross wiring at a young age. You accidentally get your first sexual feeling while watching a payless commercial, heh. That sort of thing. My 'fetish' (more like a proclivity, I don't need it to get off) came, I think, from having a sexual dream about it when I was six or so. I wasn't even sexual really at that age, but here we are now.

All fetish's are great, to me. Whatever makes you happy and gets you off, good. I'd even go so far to be accepting of some of the really wrong, illegal ones, so long as it STAYS IN YOUR HEAD, and no one gets hurt. I have a friend who is pretty open about her violent rape fetish (her being the rapist, she's a gay female who uses strapons in sex), and I think it's fantastic. She just watches simulated porn, and has simulated rape sex. She'd never go out and actually rape someone. Were her fetish to be repressed and she was ashamed about it, and she weren't able/willing to get these sexual feelings out, maybe she would.

Anyone here ever been to the Museum of Sex in NYC? I went last summer, it was pretty entertaining. I had no idea there was such thing as a balloon fetish. People getting off on watching naked women blow up balloons, and coming when they pop. Hah! Humans are so funny.