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i 2nd the no contact, and reccomend 6 months. believe me, once you get used to it, it will fly by.
oddly enough, the way that you get over this is the same way she should.... work on yourselves for awhile. picture each of you're psyches as 2 gardens. for 4 years now, you've both tended each other's garden, and now after the breakup they both feel like they're being neglected and parched. the cool thing though is that when you're in a long relationship, you forget that there are certain things only you can do to nurture your own garden, and now is the time to rediscover those things.
anything remotely productive can help. from picking up a new hobby to finishing an old project to injecting yourself into a new scene of people... just set yourself some goals, and you'll be amazed how much better you feel when you make any progress toward them. the same can be reccomended to her, and hopefully, when you talk again in a few months, you'll both be on enough of a new chapter in your life that you'll have shook free of the cycle youre in now.
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-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.
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