|
Well... I feel better now, so I can talk about it rationally.
I think the reason she thinks I should is based on her own experiences. She has had a lot of issues and without going into details had a pretty serious incident 18 months ago.
But, arrogant as it may sound - I kind of KNOW I dont feel the same as she did, or the same as my mother did/does (who has been on anti depressants about 10 years)
I have these black moods, every few months for maybe a couple of days, maybe a week, then I just seem to lift myself out of it. Maybe I do have something that someone would classify as a condition, but I think I can deal with it, I just go underground and write depressing things till I lift out of it again. I do push people away when I feel down, but Ive never been down a long amount of time.... and I just need space.
I think I do have low self esteem. Mostly it comes through as wry self depreciation, when I hit a bad patch I can come over a bit desperate and hateful of myself.
When I am low, I know I am, and I dont make big decisions or do things based on the feelings I have, I just work myself out to be on my own and wait for it to pass. I think I can deal with just thats the facts of the way I am. Sometimes when I was younger I kind of used to worry that I might end up to be the person I pretend I am when I am in a bad patch... but these days I think I understand it better.
__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."
The Gospel of Thomas
|