Oh fuck no, Will. You did not just suggest there was something wrong with Batman Begins! *moves head from side to side and puts hands on hips* OH NO YOU DIDN'T!
Sorry, but not only was there one thing wrong, there were several.
Don't get me wrong! Batman Begins was so far the best interpretation of Batman, alongside of the animated series in the 90s and some of the better graphic novels (Legends of the Dark Knight and Batman: Year One pop to mind). Acting, directing, story, music, etc. were all top notch. Yes, batman Begins deserved like 99.9% of the hoopla.
That said, there were a few problems:
1) Rachel DAWWWWESSS!!!
I killed her because she sucks.
Holy living fuck on a stick: Katie Holmes couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag even if she was co-staring with Orson Welles in a movie directed by Stanley Kubrick that was written by Quentin Tarantino in the mid 90s. Don't get me wrong, there are a plethora of young ladies in hollywood that simply can't act for shit, but they're excusable because they don't drag the rest of the flick down. Katie Holmes in Batman Begins was worse than Jessica Alba in Sin City, Jessica Beil in The Illusionist, and Elisha Cuthbert on 24... COMBINED. And no, Nolan, having her nipples peer boringly through her shirt as if to say "Have you heard of Dianetics?" wasn't enough to distract from the cardboard lines she spewed and the blank stares she gave when she was supposed to emote. If you want to see Katie topless, go download "The Gift" (like you haven't already).
I hate to say it, but I miss Vicky Vale...
2)"Nice coat." Seriously?
Batman Begins was a serious retelling of how Batman came to be. It was based in the amazing graphic novel Batman: Year One, only modified a bit because Batman Year One would have blown too many minds.
"Too many minds!"
There was one particular moment, right after Batman had made his first appearance in the full costume, and OWNED THE LIVING BUTTERSCOTCH out of some mob goons and Arthur Edens from Michael Clayton for some reason. Batman hung upside down and scared the living fuck out of these guys. Then what does he do? "Oh, hey guy I lent my coat to when I was a teenager! Nice coat!" NICE COAT?! Was this some sort of failed attempt to make the film more family friendly? Because it really ruined one of the most badass parts of the movie.
3) The impossible to watch fight scenes.
If you're a fan of action movies like I am, you know that there is actually much substance to be had in fight scenes. The Luke/Vader light-saber battle in Empire Strikes Back spoke in many layers about each of their roads leading to that point and the dramatic shift in their relationship from simply enemies to father and son. And you could see it in when they did battle. The father testing the son, the son lashing out at his great enemy... it was really wonderful. Batman Begins? Basically the camera is shaking and shifting all over creation so much that you have no clue what's going on. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that they simply put the camera inside an old industrial tire and rolled it down a rocky hillside. And what makes it even worse? In the extra features on the DVD or HD DVD, they go to a lot of trouble to explain that Christian Bale was a fantastic fighter and that he was able to use his photographic memory to perfectly imitate these moves he was getting from world class professionals. WHAT? WHERE?!
4) Commissioner Gordon as the comic relief?!
Commissioner Gordon is supposed to be a level 6 badass. He's supposed to be Obi Wan + Hartigan from Sin City. In Batman Begins? He's the "I've gotta get me one of these" guys. He's Marlon Wayans with a mustache. Really, Godron? Do you gotta get you one of these? Oh and that's not the worst part: IT'S GARY OLDMAN! He's played Lee Harvey Oswald, Dracula, the guy who killed Leon in The Porfessional, Beethoven, Pontius Pilot, and the Devil; a truly great and awesome actor. Having him reduced to "oh snap, I gotsta get me one uh deez!" is a tragedy.
5) "Didn't you get the memo?" No, but I've got this spork I could jam in my eye!
Remember when mean old Mr. Earl said "Didn't you get the memo?" when he fired Fox and you wondered, "What the fuck is he talking about? Memo?" Well the one and only reason he said that was to set up the "OH SNAP" moment at the end so Lucius Fox (Morgan "I'll ShawShank You" Freeman) would retort the same line back, in a situation where the line still makes absolutely no sense. You know who got the memo? NO ONE. WRITE BETTER LINES!