|
Listen, dude. I respect your desire not to put someone else's story on the Net. So I say the following without knowing if the stories of her past that bother you are kinky sex, or messed up emotional dealings, or some other unsavory or unscrupulous behavior. The implication that we all seem to have leaped to is that it's a sex thing, so I'm going to go with that.
I hear you about not being able to let it go: sometimes it just hangs on. I can understand that. But if that's the case, I want to reinforce my recommendation that you talk to her about it. You can't forget what you know, so the only way you're going to get past this is by confronting it. And I don't mean that you should talk to this girl in a confrontational way. You need to be up front (to her and to yourself) that this may be none of your business, and it may be that your focusing on it is your problem, and not hers. Let her know what you've heard, and that despite your best efforts, you haven't been able to move past it; explain non-judgmentally why what you heard upsets you, and explain that you value your relationship with her, so it's important to you that you hear her side of the events, and her thoughts on the matter. Try to remain calm, and just absorb what she says. If you feel yourself inclined to respond without thinking, from a raw emotional place, then take five, and back off to separate corners.
I am a big supporter of dialogue, and the attempt to use relationships as an excuse to grow and learn.
__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.
(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)
|