|
Minion of Joss
|
Quote:
|
I went through something like what you're talking about, a couple years ago, this chick named Amy. So, there's me and Amy. And we're all inseparable, right? Big time in love. Then four months down the road, the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Which, as we all know, is a really dumb move. But you know how you don't wanna know, but just have to know-- stupid guy bullshit. So, anyway, she starts telling me about him. How they fell in love, how they went out for a couple of years, how they lived together, her mother likes me better, blah blah blah blah blah. And I'm okay. Then she drops the bomb. And the bomb is this: it seems that a couple of times while they were going out, he brought some people to bed with him, "menage a trois," I believe it's called. And this just blows my mind, right? I mean, I am not used to this sorta thing; I was raised Catholic, for God's sake. So I'm totally weirded out by this, right? So I start blasting her. I mean, I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling, so I figure the best way is to call her 'slut,' tell her she was used. I'm out for blood, I really want to hurt this girl. I'm like, "What the fuck is your problem," right? And she's just trying to calmly tell me it was that time, it was that place, and she doesn't feel like she should apologize because she doesn't feel that she's done anything wrong. And I say, "Oh, really?" That's when I look her straight in the eye, tell her it's over. I walk. ...It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. In that moment, I felt small, like I lacked experience, like I'd never be enough for her or something like that, you know what I'm saying? But what I did not get: she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy any more. She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I figured this all out, it was too late. She had moved on. And all I had to show for it was some foolish pride which gave way to regret. She was the girl. I know that now. But I pushed her away. So I spend every day since then chasing Amy. So to speak.
|
Sorry, but one gets so few opportunities to have an extended Kevin Smith monologue be so apropos, in so many ways....
In all seriousness, however, don't get hung up on rumors about this girl's past, or even verified stories of what she's done. If this girl really has genuine feelings for you, she will treat you as you, and not anyone else, and she will behave with you as she believes will help in getting closer to you. What you need to do is relate to her as the girl you know, the girl she presents herself to you as being. You don't know the truth of rumors, you don't know context, you don't know her feelings, you don't know what things have changed in her life between her past and the place she's at now.
If you like her, and she likes you, and you feel like this is someone who-- if you'd never heard any stories of her past-- you would want to spend time with and be close to...then conduct the relationship that way. The best thing for you to do is to just take a deep breath, and realize that her past is not your business unless she chooses to share it with you.
However, if worst comes to worst, and you find that you absolutely can't just put this aside and move past it, then talk with her about it calmly, and in a compassionate way. Don't judge her until you know what really happened, how she really feels about it, and where she's at now. Listen to her, and try to be accepting.
But don't just cut her loose because you heard a bunch of gossip. That's a great way to lose out on a great girl, for no good reason at all.
__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.
(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)
|