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I sortof know what your gf is going through. I may have very well lost the love of my life because of my mother. I moved in with my mother to help her financially and myself too. I know she can be very controlling and needy all at the same time. I have a son that she tries to tell me how to raise and goes behind my back to undermine my authority with him. This has caused several arguments. I was always able to call my boyfriend and he would talk to me helping me calm down to get through. See she (mom) will have a screaming match then five minutes later is fine. I hold a grudge for a while and have a problem with her trying to chat me up just after a blowout, that is where talking with him would help.
About 6 months ago my bf moved in with us to help him out as well. Everything was fine for a while, but the constant problems with my mother got worse. She wanted "her" house run the way SHE wanted it (even though she was not working and I was supporting her). She does not like my bf, she thinks he is too controlling of me and everything else. He brings out the best in me and helps me to be a better person. One problem is that as he was just as frustrated with my mother (if not more so) as I was that I could not go to him for that calming. I eventually ended up taking my frustration out on him and also let my mothers doubt of his commitment to our relationship effect me. I was having trouble trusting him.
Well, the outcome.....He moved out yesterday. He went to live with his mother in MS, I live in FL (for the moment). We were planning on moving out of state together once my son finished this school year, but he could not take it anymore. Needless to say that this has devastated me, he wants to "take a break". He tells me that after I move to AZ and am in my own place that he will give us another chance, but who knows when he will be coming out to be with me. Everything is up in the air right now.
I need to keep aware of my mother's effect on me and not let her continue to make me into someone I DO NOT want to be (her). My mother also belittles me, making me feel that I do not deserve to be with anyone. After I told her what was happening with my bf moving and the reason, she laughed and said that it was all me. She is alone and wants me to be alone too. I MUST be separated from her, far away where she can't just drop in to get myself back.
I don't know if your gf's mother has effected her to the point of her treating you any differently, but if it happens....distance from her mother would be the best thing for the BOTH of you. Please stick by her side through this difficult time. I know it will be hard, just don't let what you two have go so easily.
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