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medlar · 03-05-2008, 10:09 AM

These are good perspectives on growing up fatherless (thanks for responding) and managing it without making me feel totally gypped. I had been wondering, now that I'm an adult (debatable) whether this expereince or lack of has shaped my character whether a guy who grows up without a father exhibits certain character flaws or atributes. I felt kind of doomed to have reaching gender identity issues. Maybe I'm more sensetive than I would have been. I don't know if my lack of a father sepcifically caused any any traits or lack of apart from possibly inheriting type one diabetes and a short stature

I think that having only a maternal figure may have made me more than half of what I could have been. She was the only reference for my development when she was no more than a teenager. I attributed it to the lack of a male presence. One of my biggest complaints about the whole deal is talking about it. It's impossbible to say anything without either the "oh another sob story, poor thing", I got out doing a family lineage tree at school or at least doing only half of it with a good mark! or as I expereinced someone finding a flaw on my character..ie gf' dad. That was clear enough, he didn't approve.

As for growing up I was seeing all the boys getting claps on the back for scoring a goal at soccer and going off on camping and hikes..I did feel that the other boys had some access to male knowledge that I didn't have like kicking around a soccer ball, shaving, picking up girls and it was a pretty big deal as I hit fifteen. As a boy you want to be masculine and if you were anything less in my school and neighbourhood you'd get the crap beaten out of you, which lead to two suspensions from school.

Later I sort of fell into the guy related things, like my attempts at shaving, (not having much luck as I'm shredding my face) losing my virginity (a fumbling affair) without having anybody really tell me how or at least warn me about. I have been living with my uncle and he's a great guy and the closest to almost calling Dad, and I've had lots of "uncles" come and go in my life..(on my mum's side) and my aunt along with two girl cousins under nine yo both are extremely spoiled and somewhat intrusive. I've been with them under their charge for close to over a year now while I finish school and wait for my mum to sort things out without dragging me down if I were still in Glasgow. I am lucky to have this, it's improved things for me in ways I couldn't even start on back home. I still don't have the comfort level on getting into personal issues with them. Yet. I think he likes having another male in the house.

They have brass taking me on.

I often just run the same questions through my head.. how would I be different if iI'd been raised with a dad and how would she be different. I feel that the possibitly of becoming a father myself (not any day soon) is something I take more seriously.

My mum was and is random crazy, addicted and emotionally distant. She had me at sixteen and after two years of my grandparents help on her side of course, she moved us out to municipal houseing. I think she might have gone blue in the face trying to raise me and probably resentful of losing out on her teen hood. She never told me anything about who my father might be and that was the way she wanted it, and it started alot of volatile fighting between us.

Long and lengthy so I'll conclude this. Sorry its a great way for me to gain some other peoples advice and take in giving me a better understanding and some comfort, well assurance. Things I'm thinking on now will probably come back later on. Deep issues are usually never solved, but I can learn to revisti them and sse them in a different light as I grow older and hopefully wiser, and less frigging obssessed enoug to write an essay on it.

Thanks for the input and even more, if you've managed to read up to this point I offer a standing ovation of appreciation . Cheers!

Ow my fingers are cramped, my arse is numb, I'm late for school but my head is cleared. Its all good.

On the other hand maybe missing out is better than having had.

03-05-2008, 10:09 AM	#7 (permalink)
medlar Tilted Location: In this flesh and bone thing	These are good perspectives on growing up fatherless (thanks for responding) and managing it without making me feel totally gypped. I had been wondering, now that I'm an adult (debatable) whether this expereince or lack of has shaped my character whether a guy who grows up without a father exhibits certain character flaws or atributes. I felt kind of doomed to have reaching gender identity issues. Maybe I'm more sensetive than I would have been. I don't know if my lack of a father sepcifically caused any any traits or lack of apart from possibly inheriting type one diabetes and a short stature I think that having only a maternal figure may have made me more than half of what I could have been. She was the only reference for my development when she was no more than a teenager. I attributed it to the lack of a male presence. One of my biggest complaints about the whole deal is talking about it. It's impossbible to say anything without either the "oh another sob story, poor thing", I got out doing a family lineage tree at school or at least doing only half of it with a good mark! or as I expereinced someone finding a flaw on my character..ie gf' dad. That was clear enough, he didn't approve. As for growing up I was seeing all the boys getting claps on the back for scoring a goal at soccer and going off on camping and hikes..I did feel that the other boys had some access to male knowledge that I didn't have like kicking around a soccer ball, shaving, picking up girls and it was a pretty big deal as I hit fifteen. As a boy you want to be masculine and if you were anything less in my school and neighbourhood you'd get the crap beaten out of you, which lead to two suspensions from school. Later I sort of fell into the guy related things, like my attempts at shaving, (not having much luck as I'm shredding my face) losing my virginity (a fumbling affair) without having anybody really tell me how or at least warn me about. I have been living with my uncle and he's a great guy and the closest to almost calling Dad, and I've had lots of "uncles" come and go in my life..(on my mum's side) and my aunt along with two girl cousins under nine yo both are extremely spoiled and somewhat intrusive. I've been with them under their charge for close to over a year now while I finish school and wait for my mum to sort things out without dragging me down if I were still in Glasgow. I am lucky to have this, it's improved things for me in ways I couldn't even start on back home. I still don't have the comfort level on getting into personal issues with them. Yet. I think he likes having another male in the house. They have brass taking me on. I often just run the same questions through my head.. how would I be different if iI'd been raised with a dad and how would she be different. I feel that the possibitly of becoming a father myself (not any day soon) is something I take more seriously. My mum was and is random crazy, addicted and emotionally distant. She had me at sixteen and after two years of my grandparents help on her side of course, she moved us out to municipal houseing. I think she might have gone blue in the face trying to raise me and probably resentful of losing out on her teen hood. She never told me anything about who my father might be and that was the way she wanted it, and it started alot of volatile fighting between us. Long and lengthy so I'll conclude this. Sorry its a great way for me to gain some other peoples advice and take in giving me a better understanding and some comfort, well assurance. Things I'm thinking on now will probably come back later on. Deep issues are usually never solved, but I can learn to revisti them and sse them in a different light as I grow older and hopefully wiser, and less frigging obssessed enoug to write an essay on it. Thanks for the input and even more, if you've managed to read up to this point I offer a standing ovation of appreciation . Cheers! Ow my fingers are cramped, my arse is numb, I'm late for school but my head is cleared. Its all good. On the other hand maybe missing out is better than having had. Last edited by medlar; 03-05-2008 at 10:12 AM..