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medlar · 02-20-2008, 09:21 PM

There's alot of wisdom here for someone as myself, who hasn't gained enough experience in this to even begin to unravel it. I definitely didn't learn anything from my past and only relationship. Except that nothing can make you feel like something you have to scrape off the bottom of someone elses shoe.If there is anything I thought I might excell at, it is finding reasons to not get involved with the opposite sex, well emotionally anyway. Thanks for taking time to help put things in perspective here.

I need to think like Rollins! I need to learn to be like that. "Emotional Chess". I have been over anylizing this becuase my views have been so fixed that I am doomed for failure. Every relationship has to teach you something and you probably have to fall to succeed, but there's no staying if you're no longer happy, just that you don't want to have to hurt someone before they hurt you, or do I?..And it's likely that there will be more falls in store for me. Somethings can be worked through, but others are complete show stoppers and yet how do you know which is which at the start of a relationship...But with all this, I can at least have a chance at pulling through them better than this last relationship I went full tilt into. I would have thought that I could have at least been made a bit tougher from it, but all it did was make me overly cautious, suspicious, jaded, self sorry, pathetic, depressional, pissed off etc...and left with unrealistic expectations and extremely frustrated due to blue ball syndrome when I back out.. if nothing else. It was just too easy to find any faults in someone else to avoid all that and I can run for the hills. I just had never expected to have been so emotionally and even physically ground up from it and I don't have the brass to go through it again anytime soon. Thanks Crompsin, I will likely print that out, in fact, That is so applicable I am going to carry it in my wallet. Thats how f#@#ing major this is! I thought I was going soft in the head over this.

About being my own self esteem...I think part of the problem is I've gone through some massive changes personally, getting over my past and all sorts of that kind of baggage and that has meant quite a bit of change as a person. I don't want to bring along that baggage to anyone. World's King says it right enough, finding happiness in myself, doing what makes me happy. Maybe the times just not right for me yet. I would like the stabiltiy and the togetherness, but also a lack of constant questions about "is this right for me?" On the other hand maybe I'd just like a random few moments of complete physical involvement with no strings attached at all, because this whole dating thing can be pretty exhausting trying to read someone else in a way that could have me finding ways to just not bother. Relationships seem confusing and exhausting.

I think the key is to just keep cracking at it, meeting people, suffering a few dates, learning the difference between compromise and settling for less than you want and it will fall into place somehow and accept that this will mean break ups and a certain degree of emotional torment. I would hope to just be able to crack on and go with the flow and take experiences from any relationship I might fall into and be certain its not going to leave me curled up in a fetal position, whimpering in some corner of my room. I was almost close to just shutting myself off from the possibility of a relationship, even a first date, because I didn't think they were close to being right for me and if I'm standing back and judging them that way, I'm missing out on something that might not necessarily mean getting crushed again. This isn't coming out particularly well, I think I am over-thinking all this. I doubt that I am going to stumble upon a truly remarkable relationship anytime soon. This is more of a positive outlook than I can normally manage but I will be taking the advice given to me in this thread to heart. Thanks again. Very helpful and makes alot of sense. I am ready to take anything and anyone on now.

I'm not one to make the same mistake twice, it seems that it will take at least three or four until I learn this lesson.

02-20-2008, 09:21 PM	#12 (permalink)
medlar Tilted Location: In this flesh and bone thing	There's alot of wisdom here for someone as myself, who hasn't gained enough experience in this to even begin to unravel it. I definitely didn't learn anything from my past and only relationship. Except that nothing can make you feel like something you have to scrape off the bottom of someone elses shoe.If there is anything I thought I might excell at, it is finding reasons to not get involved with the opposite sex, well emotionally anyway. Thanks for taking time to help put things in perspective here. I need to think like Rollins! I need to learn to be like that. "Emotional Chess". I have been over anylizing this becuase my views have been so fixed that I am doomed for failure. Every relationship has to teach you something and you probably have to fall to succeed, but there's no staying if you're no longer happy, just that you don't want to have to hurt someone before they hurt you, or do I?..And it's likely that there will be more falls in store for me. Somethings can be worked through, but others are complete show stoppers and yet how do you know which is which at the start of a relationship...But with all this, I can at least have a chance at pulling through them better than this last relationship I went full tilt into. I would have thought that I could have at least been made a bit tougher from it, but all it did was make me overly cautious, suspicious, jaded, self sorry, pathetic, depressional, pissed off etc...and left with unrealistic expectations and extremely frustrated due to blue ball syndrome when I back out.. if nothing else. It was just too easy to find any faults in someone else to avoid all that and I can run for the hills. I just had never expected to have been so emotionally and even physically ground up from it and I don't have the brass to go through it again anytime soon. Thanks Crompsin, I will likely print that out, in fact, That is so applicable I am going to carry it in my wallet. Thats how f#@#ing major this is! I thought I was going soft in the head over this. About being my own self esteem...I think part of the problem is I've gone through some massive changes personally, getting over my past and all sorts of that kind of baggage and that has meant quite a bit of change as a person. I don't want to bring along that baggage to anyone. World's King says it right enough, finding happiness in myself, doing what makes me happy. Maybe the times just not right for me yet. I would like the stabiltiy and the togetherness, but also a lack of constant questions about "is this right for me?" On the other hand maybe I'd just like a random few moments of complete physical involvement with no strings attached at all, because this whole dating thing can be pretty exhausting trying to read someone else in a way that could have me finding ways to just not bother. Relationships seem confusing and exhausting. I think the key is to just keep cracking at it, meeting people, suffering a few dates, learning the difference between compromise and settling for less than you want and it will fall into place somehow and accept that this will mean break ups and a certain degree of emotional torment. I would hope to just be able to crack on and go with the flow and take experiences from any relationship I might fall into and be certain its not going to leave me curled up in a fetal position, whimpering in some corner of my room. I was almost close to just shutting myself off from the possibility of a relationship, even a first date, because I didn't think they were close to being right for me and if I'm standing back and judging them that way, I'm missing out on something that might not necessarily mean getting crushed again. This isn't coming out particularly well, I think I am over-thinking all this. I doubt that I am going to stumble upon a truly remarkable relationship anytime soon. This is more of a positive outlook than I can normally manage but I will be taking the advice given to me in this thread to heart. Thanks again. Very helpful and makes alot of sense. I am ready to take anything and anyone on now. I'm not one to make the same mistake twice, it seems that it will take at least three or four until I learn this lesson.