buttless1der

Is it just me or does this planet have a crapload of screwed up animals or what?!? I always hear people asking how a loving god would let such horrible things happen such as tornados and other natural disasters but they never mention the goddamn animals. I can explain it with one word: Bob*. Bob is Gods little brother who can't keep his hands off other peoples stuff.

As we all know God rested on the 7th day and that's where the trouble began. God was in the den knocking back a bottle sacremental wine while Bob got into the workshop and started building things out of spare parts. He took the body and head of a beaver and jammed the bill of a duck on it. Then he attatched some webbed feet and put venomous barbs on the back legs of the males. To top off the whole thing he made the thing lay eggs. Yes folks, I present you with the platypus.
Do you have a better explaination? Huh?!

Some people believe Bob is also responsible for spiders, but he is not. God had no choice in that, if he hadn't we would be up to our armpits in insects. I think spiders are the worst consequence of this foul up. I can't stand those things, they scare the hell out of me.

This is why I believe Bob must die.


*When I first concocted this crap Bob was called Stewie, but then Family Guy came out and it just seemed too close to character.