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Well I can say that the conversation continued in the car after we left the store, and it went along the lines of "Dad, you love (my son) more than me, thats why you wouldn't buy me the water bottle in the store." This has been an ongoing theme with her, that pains me to hear her say. The ex and I are very contentious, and there is much passive-aggressive behavior on both our parts I will admit. For example, she has at times notified me of committments the kids have (on my visitation days) either the same day of the committment or a day before, which pisses me off to no end, I don't like surprises, and I don't like to have to change my plans at the last minute. She has sent her boyfriend to school to pickup the kids on my visitation days, which once resulted in him aggressively getting in my face, at school, in front of the kids, and my daughter seeing this and screaming in anticipation of a fight. I told the ex that if he ever does that again, and in front of the kids - I would call the police on him. She calls my house when I have the kids and asks to speak with them. Maybe what I do passive aggresively is to have the kids call back not when she calls, but after our day together is over, usually right before bedtime. but I don't think it is fair for her to always call them on my visitation days. I don't do that to her.
As far as the anger issues, its a fair question. Like I said, I do not hit my kids. I rarely raise my voice to them. There have been maybe 3-4 times in 10 years when I raised my voice to them to the most extreme and angriest level, ie., totally pissed off, gloves off, SCREAMING. I think most parents understand what I'm talking about here. And it was typically in response to my daughters rebelliousness, or when she is otherwise misbehaving. The social worker has pointed out how frightened my screaming makes my daughter, and I will take this into consideration from now on. She is a high-strung, nervous-ish girl to begin with, so I will try to restrain myself in the future, but in no way is it like I am constantly screaming at her, I am the quiet, laid back one with her...my parents say that her mom screams at her a lot, that they've seen her "rip her a new asshole" in front of them. She is authoritarian in her parenting style.
A bit of backstory to the original story was that before we went to the store, I had to struggle to even get my daughter to come with us to the store. She said she didn't want to go - she wanted to play with her friends. I told her fine, you can have one more hour, but after that I want you to go with us without a fight. She said fine. When the time came for us to go, she started whining, dragging her feet, and saying she didn't want to go. So the situation heading to the store was charged to begin with.
So today I go to see the new lawyer, a woman. Specializes in family law, Notre Dame law degree, from a good, old firm. I am hoping that she will advise me more aggressively than has my last lawyer, a guy who Ive had since the divorce. My ex and her lawyer (a former state prosecutor from Brooklyn) have drawn this out without a response from my lawyer...he just let them have their way. I think that both a mother and a father should be able to see their kids after a divorce. Perhaps reading this thread could be used as birth control for some. :/
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