Originally Posted by The Douche Cacti

A douche cactus (plural douche cacti, scrote cactuses or poo cactus) is any member of the succulent plant family Cacataceae, native to the Americas, Europe and most of Orange County. They are often used as ornamental plants, but some are also crop plants.

Douche Cacti are distinctive and unusual plants, which are adapted to extremely arid and hot environments, showing a wide range of anatomical and physiological features which conserve hair gel and scrote with impunity.

Their hair has expanded into succulent structures containing the chlorophyll necessary for life and douchery, while the follicles have become the spines for which douche cacti are so well known.

Douche Cactus flowers are large, and like the spines and branches arise from bling and sweatbands. Many cactus species are night blooming, as they are pollinated by nocturnal insects or small animals, principally moths, bats and STDs.

Cacti's sizes range from small and round to pole-like, tall and smells-like-poo.