Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - The wedding crasher friends.. How to tell them to fuck off

Cynthetiq · 06-04-2003, 06:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mondak
How do I say this without getting edited. . .

From the surface of what you told us, you don't deserve your friends. Weddings are about control and appearances. You seem to be more on that side than making sure that people who care about you get to make a memory together. I am frustrated by this type of thing because so many guys I know basically lose all their friends after they get Married. Their wives made it so - either them or me kind of thing.

Here is a quick note: married people are allowed to still have friends. Good luck with your wedding and with your former friends.

Ok - let me try to make that constructive. You are stuck with your family and they are stuck with you - you are born into the damn thing. Friends are far more valuable, because they CHOOSE you. At any time they can walk away and yet they are many times more loyal and careing than family. If you have an opportunity to either allienate your friends or make them feel welcome - always choose to do your best to build these relationships. You never know when you can use a good friend.

As far as them being different - I imagine that they are a silimar age as you and are facing many of the same things. Even if you are the first to get married or face this type of situation, I bet they are changing too just as you are. Maybe you just have not seen it as much since you do not spend as much time with them. If they are Friends, give them a chance, you may be pleasently surprised.

Hope that was more helpful than what I wrote at first.

I beg to differ. I've been married a little over 1.5 years now, and I still have my friends which I see on occassion and I didn't invite them to my wedding. They wanted to come, and would have if we did not have it on a boat. My wife and I wanted to have a SMALL wedding, very small. If I invited A, then I'd have to invite B, which in turn would mean that I'd have to invite C,D,E and F-I.

As far as wife or them kind of thing, that's ridiculous. I love being with my wife, she's my bestest friend in the whole world. I love being beside her and next to her any time I have free. My friends, I see them once in a while, but they don't give me the same energy and excitement that my wife does. Simply put, like many of my friends, I've outgrown them. When my career took off, my lazy do nothing for themselves friends were boring and uninteresting. My current stable of single friends, well, they don't see life as we do. I'm not saying that they are below us because they aren't married, just they have different motivators. We have plenty of single friends, in fact we only have 1-2 couple friends, but we hang out with our friends on a regular basis, together and seperately.

Originally we didn't even want our family to be there but just our best friends and we wanted it to be in a remote location in Iceland. We were already pressured by family to allow them to attend so we had to change it to Florida.Because there were people who could not afford to go to Iceland. We weren't going to cave into friends, since we already even changed the location of the wedding.