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The most important thing to remember while grieving is this: WHATEVER you're feeling, it's what you're supposed to be feeling. There's NO wrong emotion, or way you're supposed to feel, or way you're not supposed to feel--including confused, scared, angry, numb, whatever. After some time has passed and you start living life normally again (whatever that means, in your situation), you're likely to have thoughts that things shouldn't be normal with your friend gone--that's a normal response too, and is completely fine.
WHEREVER you are is simply WHERE YOU ARE. Your only job is to let yourself be there.
And then when you get to your friend's wife, the only thing for you to do is to make sure she knows that too. And you can be that together for each other for a while. And that's what mourning looks like.
We're proud of you. Thank you for everything you've done and everything you will do, including the things we'll never know about. I'm sorry for your loss and for his wife's loss. Wear the uniform proudly, and don't be afraid to cry.
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