itlain

I don't normally post here that often, but I've been reading off and on for about 4 years or so. I guess I like it since it is somewhat of an anonymous community, that maybe will be able to help out with something.

A little background about me. I'm a SSG in the US Army. I've been deployed to Iraq twice, and during the last deployment I lost one of really close friends. There was a group of us that always got together before we deployed and would just hang out and drink and bbq. Our wives and kids would always be there and it was like one big happy family.

Fastforward a year or so and I get back off of a mission and go to turn in my weapon and find out that the Soldier who I had heard was KIA in our BN was actually my friend. I don't really know what hit me, but it was hard.. He was flown out of country that day and I guess I'm still waiting to just thing that it is a big joke. I spoke at his memorial service which has to be about one of the hardest things I've ever done.

A week or so later, I find out from my wife that she had gotten pregnant when I had went home on R&R that Jan. I wasn't planning on going at all, but my friend is the one who convinced me to go. So now I have him to thank for my 2nd son, and we ended up naming him after my friend.

Now 9 months later, I get a message in my office back at Lewis. The casualty assistance officer called and said that they need a Solder to escort something to his wife. I volunteer for it thinking that I would be going with some of his belongings. After talking to the CAO on the phone, I find out that I'm actually escorting some of his remains that weren't identified at first to his wife in San Diego. I can't back out at this point, because I know that he would do the same for me.

Pretty much right now I'm sitting in a hotel room in Philly waiting to be picked up in 7 hours to goto Dover AFB and pick him. Then it's back to Philly and a flight across the country again to San Diego to bring him home to his wife. Maybe its the traveling across country in full dress uniform carrying a brass urn, or maybe I've just pushed some of the feelings down too deep. But its hard. I know its the right thing, that his wife has someone there for her who is a friend and not a total stranger; but at the same time, I'm thinking. Who can be there for me? I am so terrified of someone saying something at the airport and me snapping. I wish I could describe the amount of stress this is bringing onto me.

I'm really not sure what I'm looking for in pretty much bringing all of this out. Maybe to just let some of it go in a way. I guess I'll find out here in a few hours regardless.

__________________
Support the troops, if not the war.

Manic_Skafe

I can't express enough how sorry I am that you lost your friend.

What you're feeling right now is how I'd imagine it's supposed to feel - don't be afraid to be upset. Eventually the sadness will pass you'll be thankful for having been able to do him and his family such a great service.

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

JimmyTheHutt

Every so often I get caught up in my own navel gazing.

Then I read something like this, and it reminds me that there are people out there like you that actually do the real work of the world, and deal with the real consequences. I am sorry you lost your friend.

I sleep easier knowing that there are men of integrity out there for the rest of us to emulate.

Veritas et Lux!

Jimmy The Hutt

__________________
Think Jabba, only with more hair and vestigal legs....

"This isn't a nightmare, its real. Nightmare's end."
-ShadowDancer

Grancey

You are performing an honorable act for someone who was a brave and courageous friend to you. You are also brave and courageous to carry this out. Death is never easy, but I know that you will be better able to deal with your grief because you have chosen to do something so important and so heartfelt. After you have fully dealt with the grief you will be a stronger individual for being there when you were needed. Take care.

__________________
Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool.

jewels

It's okay to feel what you're feeling. Helping his wife can only help you deal with the grief. Thanks for doing the right thing. You are amazing and strong.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Push-Pull

I agree with what everyone above has said. Thank you for your service.

As far as what someone may say to you at an airport, I imagine that a large majority of it would be kindness and condolences. If someone does offer something less than respectful, well, know that you are far, far above them, and that they are not worthy of any reaction.

Best wishes for you, your family, and your friend's loved ones.

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

MSD

You're doing something that's more meaningful than what a lot of people have done in their entire lives, myself included; of course you're stressed. I don't think there's anything I could say that will make it easier, but at least you can know that even people you don't know in real life are proud of what you're doing. I don't want to go overboard and make it sound less sincere, but when you put on the uniform, you're doing it on behalf of everyone in the country who can't do what you do every day.

TotalMILF

I don't know you, but I'm darn proud of you. What you're doing is a great thing.

I'm sorry for your loss.

__________________
"I'm sorry, all I heard was blah blah blah, I'm a dirty tramp."

ratbastid

The most important thing to remember while grieving is this: WHATEVER you're feeling, it's what you're supposed to be feeling. There's NO wrong emotion, or way you're supposed to feel, or way you're not supposed to feel--including confused, scared, angry, numb, whatever. After some time has passed and you start living life normally again (whatever that means, in your situation), you're likely to have thoughts that things shouldn't be normal with your friend gone--that's a normal response too, and is completely fine.

WHEREVER you are is simply WHERE YOU ARE. Your only job is to let yourself be there.

And then when you get to your friend's wife, the only thing for you to do is to make sure she knows that too. And you can be that together for each other for a while. And that's what mourning looks like.

We're proud of you. Thank you for everything you've done and everything you will do, including the things we'll never know about. I'm sorry for your loss and for his wife's loss. Wear the uniform proudly, and don't be afraid to cry.

snowy

This brought tears to my eyes.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

xepherys

SSG Itlain-

Brother, I can't even imagine being in your shoes, but I do understand what you're saying. It's tough because the Army, even in groups of tightknit soldiers, has some expectation of not letting these things get to you. Even in the "new, softer Army", with all the PTSD awareness and such, there's still a bit of a stigma attached to getting help and trying to sort through things.

I'd say your best bet is jut to focus on the mission exactly as it is... honoring your buddy. Surely someone saying something could put you in a bad way, but would he approve of you snapping? Take your time, keep your cool and know that your mission is honoring your friend, not carrying a vessel across the country. On the surface it may seem the same, but in principal it isn't.

I wish you the best of luck.

__________________
The prospect of achieving a peace agreement with the extremist group of MILF is almost impossible...
-- Emmanuel Pinol, Governor of Cotobato

My Homepage