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Old 01-20-2008, 10:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
itlain
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Location: Fort Lewis, WA
Carrying my friend..

I don't normally post here that often, but I've been reading off and on for about 4 years or so. I guess I like it since it is somewhat of an anonymous community, that maybe will be able to help out with something.

A little background about me. I'm a SSG in the US Army. I've been deployed to Iraq twice, and during the last deployment I lost one of really close friends. There was a group of us that always got together before we deployed and would just hang out and drink and bbq. Our wives and kids would always be there and it was like one big happy family.

Fastforward a year or so and I get back off of a mission and go to turn in my weapon and find out that the Soldier who I had heard was KIA in our BN was actually my friend. I don't really know what hit me, but it was hard.. He was flown out of country that day and I guess I'm still waiting to just thing that it is a big joke. I spoke at his memorial service which has to be about one of the hardest things I've ever done.

A week or so later, I find out from my wife that she had gotten pregnant when I had went home on R&R that Jan. I wasn't planning on going at all, but my friend is the one who convinced me to go. So now I have him to thank for my 2nd son, and we ended up naming him after my friend.

Now 9 months later, I get a message in my office back at Lewis. The casualty assistance officer called and said that they need a Solder to escort something to his wife. I volunteer for it thinking that I would be going with some of his belongings. After talking to the CAO on the phone, I find out that I'm actually escorting some of his remains that weren't identified at first to his wife in San Diego. I can't back out at this point, because I know that he would do the same for me.

Pretty much right now I'm sitting in a hotel room in Philly waiting to be picked up in 7 hours to goto Dover AFB and pick him. Then it's back to Philly and a flight across the country again to San Diego to bring him home to his wife. Maybe its the traveling across country in full dress uniform carrying a brass urn, or maybe I've just pushed some of the feelings down too deep. But its hard. I know its the right thing, that his wife has someone there for her who is a friend and not a total stranger; but at the same time, I'm thinking. Who can be there for me? I am so terrified of someone saying something at the airport and me snapping. I wish I could describe the amount of stress this is bringing onto me.

I'm really not sure what I'm looking for in pretty much bringing all of this out. Maybe to just let some of it go in a way. I guess I'll find out here in a few hours regardless.
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