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Old 01-18-2008, 03:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
Hardknock
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Location: WA
Quote:
Originally Posted by ratbastid
Okay, try this on:

Everything she's saying isn't actually about what she's saying. Her complaining about the way you X isn't really about how you X. But it IS about SOMETHING. And it's something big enough to her that she can't actually deal with it right out, but has to instead pick fights about other things.

Let me tell you a story. A few years back my wife's brother died. I didn't handle her grief well AT ALL. I got possessive of her attention, I was worried I'd never have her back the way she was, I was constantly trying to talk her out of being sad (which works real well, by the way). I basically did it completely wrong, and it took us a really long time to recover from it. And there were times when how she was upset with me about it got expressed in some really strange and nasty ways.

You have something to apologize to her for. It has something to do with her grandfather's death. From how you write about it, I suspect she feels you didn't support her or didn't take her grief seriously, but you should look for yourself.

She might never come out and tell you--so if you're going to get this straightened out, you're going to have to figure it out on your own.
That's part of our problem. She can't (or won't because she's so pissed off) express her feelings and she expects me to play guessing games trying to figure out exactly what to say in order to make her feel better and help her get over this. I could muddle over this the rest of my life and not figure it out. i realize that some may say that this is "the way women are", but they need to put forth some effort as well. Men cannot read minds.

And thanks for the counseling suggestion Augi. But she's dead set against any counseling whatsoever. Like I said, she's stubborn.

Last edited by Hardknock; 01-18-2008 at 03:15 PM..
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