robot_parade

She clearly has emotional and (possibly) mental health issues. If she grew up in a household where her mother's parenting style involved waving a knife at her in the shower, there's no way she got out of that without 'issues'. Maybe she's mostly dealing with those issues just fine, and is picking up the pieces, but breaking off a multi-year relationship in the way you describe makes me guess that's a 'no'. Personally, I think she needs to discuss things with a therapist, and try to work out some of these issues. Maybe she's already done so, maybe not. However, telling someone they need therapy is not exactly easy, and more often than not will result in a very bad reaction.

So. You clearly have every right to be angry with her. However, you already have a glimpse of some of the Bad Things that have made her the way she is, and obviously have a great deal of love and sympathy for this girl. Here's a tack to try.

o Decide if you want to try to make a relationship with her work. This means accepting that she isn't perfect, and understanding that she may very well hurt you this bad again. If you're not up to that, tell her so.

o Tell her you're angry with her, and why.

o Forgive her, if you can. If you can forgive her, tell her so. If you can't, then break it off now. But you have to really, really mean it.

o Remember, and make it clear to her, that forgiving her does *not* mean you're ready to go back to normal, and wait for her to kick you in the emotional balls again. Changes need to be made.

o Talk to her about what set her off. Find out if maybe she misinterpreted what you said, or something like that.

o Suggest that you two go to couples counseling. I suggest this instead of trying to get her directly into therapy for a couple of reasons:

* You've only given your side of the story (of course). You probably aren't perfect either, and couples therapy is a great place to work all sorts of things out.

* The aforementioned high probability that she will 'freak the hell out' if you suggest that she 'needs therapy' - people still have a feeling that if they need therapy, they are 'crazy'.


I think the key here is for you to decide if the positives about this girl for you outweigh the negatives. Are you prepared to allow her to hurt you again? Can you forgive her for what she's done to you? And not just out of a "I don't want to be alone" feeling that everyone gets when a relationship ends. Understand that, from what you describe, she seems to have severe emotional issues. This isn't because she's defective - although she may have actual medical mental issues. Anyone would have emotional problems after going through what she did...plus whatever other things may have happened to her that you didnt' tell us, or don't know about.

She is damaged goods, and it is *not* your responsibility, either as a lover or a friend, to fix her. The best you can do, *if* you are willing to let her hurt you again, is to provide her support so that she can make the effort she needs to to get herself back together.

Edit - I just want to make it clear that I think there's a high probability of her hurting you again just as bad as she did this time. If you try to make this work, you need to accept that possibility. The only reasons I even suggest for a moment that you might want to do that is that you clearly love her dearly, and I think her hurtful behavior clearly stems directly from her emotional/mental health problems.