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Originally Posted by analog
Forgiving vs. "forgetting".
I'll forgive a lot of things. I'll not only forgive, but also "forget" (put out of my mind, not bring it back up again or let it factor into future things). I suppose the "forgetting" is about trust. By forgetting they did it, and pretending (as such) that it never happened, you're essentially trusting them not to do it again, and their character, in your eyes, will remain untainted.
However... for me personally, I'll forgive practically anything. Even those things I don't forgive immediately, I eventually do. The worst thing I ever held onto was 2 years, but since that, I've not held onto anything for more than a few months (and it was really bad).
Whether or not I "forget it", and let things be, is another story. I know a person right now who has been forgiven of doing something pretty heinous, but I won't associate with him anymore. I won't forget it and I won't, essentially, trust him anymore not to do stupid shit like that again.
So for me, forgiveness is not really the issue... it's whether or not I dismiss what's happened, or keep it in mind. If someone did something purposefully, that's definitely much less likely to be forgotten. I mean, it was willful, there's really nothing to "forget"... they did it on purpose, knowing it was wrong. Trust does not get extended to a person, in the future, who does that.
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Well said. Judging by this case it sounds like your father has some pride and ego issues. He wasn't able to overcome these negative feelings and so he took it out on you, and wrongly so. I wouldn't be able to forget something like this, I just feel it's really childish of him to behave like that and it really exhibits some character flaws. Having said that I'd forgive him for it what else can you do? It's unfortunate he wasn't able to overcome his desire to get back at you, but what's done is done. If he won't apologize for it then that's unfortunate but I guess he just has a lot of emotional/mental issues and you had to suffer for it. I would try to look at the bigger picture, the bigger picture being, for his own selfish reasons he did what he did. I don't think he specifically was out to get you he simply doesn't know any better. After all if you leave 100 dollars on your porch you can't blame a thief for stealing it, for that is his nature.
I think the best way to handle the situation is simply to tell him how hurt and upset you are over this, if you decide to talk to him about it. Just tell him you felt betrayed and that you forgive him but you won't ever forget about it. Maybe in the future he will act a bit better in similar situations if you let him know how badly this action afflicted your mind state.