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Originally Posted by willravel
Still, I think the best corse of action is to speak with him about it. I don't know it's naive or not, but there is a chance that it's been long enough for him to have some perspective.
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Yeah, look, if you go into that conversation needing something to be different over there, you're setting yourself up for another disappointment.
Forgiveness comes from you for no reason. And it makes a difference over there, but MOSTLY it makes a difference for you. This is what I'm saying: don't forgive him because he deserves it--you'll waste your whole life looking for the right piece of evidence to decide whether he does or not. Forgive him because of what it will mean in YOUR life to forgive him. It's an opportunity to be bigger than that childish piece of all of us that wants to foster and nurture our hurt.
Your position about his wrongness backs him into a very defensive spot where his only choice is to keep being right about what he did. The thing to get here is that you each have a point of view, and both of them are valid, and neither of them is The Truth. He's got no room to even hear your point of view as long as you have your point of view as The Truth.
You're still not in touch with what it costs you to be holding on to this, by the way. Honest to god, you've swallowed the poison, and now you're waiting for him to die. If nothing else, think of this: he won't be alive forever, and neither will you. You sure you want to spend the time you both have on the planet nurturing your hurt in your relationship with him?