Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Forgiveness for remorseless, willful behavior

ottopilot · 12-18-2007, 07:33 PM

Without forgiveness we may unintentionally hold grudges in an attempt to fill some emotional void. A grudge can sometimes become a ponderous burden and the sickness may feed on itself like a cancer. Grudges can become a very dark force in your life.

For the longest time, I could not forgive my ex-fiance for playing house with an ex-boyfriend just before we were supposed to be married. I found out because her neighbor told me his vehicle was parked in her driveway on nights were apart. It was true. I was devastated, blindsided. The betrayals crushed me.

I could not let it go. She pleaded to come back, but I had no capacity or will to understand why she could have done something so hurtful. I was completely invested in what I thought was positive and beautiful, then for her to do what she did... well anyway.

I was consumed by it for months. It affected me negatively in visible ways, in business, mental and general health. To add insult to injury, she had taken two antique chairs (that my mother had given us) out of my house while I was at work. I was contemplating pressing charges for the chairs and suing her because of financial issues that came from preparing our future home. I demanded the engagement ring back on a weekly basis. I churned and obsessed on the betrayal over and over.

But somehow, I was able to finally see how destructive my grudge was. Somehow I just let it go. I called her and apologized for my anger. I told her to keep the ring, the chairs, and that I wished her the best of luck. She broke down and told me she had done this before with another guy. She had feelings of panic the closer we came to the wedding date. She has other old boyfriends she goes to as well when she can't deal. Yikes.

I was very sad for her, us, the whole thing. But I felt this huge weight fall off of me. Warts and back pain disappeared...seriously! It was probably the most destructive time of my life. No grudge is worth that much destruction.

I'm obviously much better off now... blessed with a wonderful wife and child. A pretty good life.

Sorry... a little heavy, but this topic pushed a few buttons with me.

12-18-2007, 07:33 PM	#27 (permalink)
ottopilot let me be clear Location: Waddy Peytona	Without forgiveness we may unintentionally hold grudges in an attempt to fill some emotional void. A grudge can sometimes become a ponderous burden and the sickness may feed on itself like a cancer. Grudges can become a very dark force in your life. For the longest time, I could not forgive my ex-fiance for playing house with an ex-boyfriend just before we were supposed to be married. I found out because her neighbor told me his vehicle was parked in her driveway on nights were apart. It was true. I was devastated, blindsided. The betrayals crushed me. I could not let it go. She pleaded to come back, but I had no capacity or will to understand why she could have done something so hurtful. I was completely invested in what I thought was positive and beautiful, then for her to do what she did... well anyway. I was consumed by it for months. It affected me negatively in visible ways, in business, mental and general health. To add insult to injury, she had taken two antique chairs (that my mother had given us) out of my house while I was at work. I was contemplating pressing charges for the chairs and suing her because of financial issues that came from preparing our future home. I demanded the engagement ring back on a weekly basis. I churned and obsessed on the betrayal over and over. But somehow, I was able to finally see how destructive my grudge was. Somehow I just let it go. I called her and apologized for my anger. I told her to keep the ring, the chairs, and that I wished her the best of luck. She broke down and told me she had done this before with another guy. She had feelings of panic the closer we came to the wedding date. She has other old boyfriends she goes to as well when she can't deal. Yikes. I was very sad for her, us, the whole thing. But I felt this huge weight fall off of me. Warts and back pain disappeared...seriously! It was probably the most destructive time of my life. No grudge is worth that much destruction. I'm obviously much better off now... blessed with a wonderful wife and child. A pretty good life. Sorry... a little heavy, but this topic pushed a few buttons with me. __________________ "It rubs the lotion on Buffy, Jodi and Mr. French's skin" - Uncle Bill from Buffalo Last edited by ottopilot; 12-18-2007 at 08:03 PM..