(Warning, the following is somewhat personal. If you're not comfortable with personal stuff, no worries, there's a fun thread in nonsense called
Name that Animal)
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Originally Posted by ratbastid
The question to ask yourself--if you're really interested in getting honest with yourself about this, which most human beings frankly aren't--is this: what is it REALLY costing you to continue holding this against him. What does it cost to have this view of him? What view of yourself do you have to have in order to maintain that view of him?
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It's frustrating, sure. I do want to say it doesn't have anything to do with me being right, though. When I ask myself what I want from all of this, the answer is as simple as remorse and then the forgiveness I was talking about in the OP (forgiveness due to repentance as opposed to forgiveness to alleviate my own suffering because of the grudge). I think the biggest part of my particular instance, though, is my unwillingness to admit that the man can be a jackass from time to time, but worse still he's okay with being a jackass. It's because of that I feel that he's guilty of wronging me, and the only one to pay for it was me. I couldn't walk more than a few feet for several days after that. It was quite painful. What was more painful was the betrayal. He was responsible for me and out of spite abandoned his responsibility. Dark stuff. And yes, as said above, had it been someone other than a close family member I may have been able to just move on, but I expect some loyalty from family. What does it cost me? I don't actually think about it often, maybe once every few years, at least consciously. The cost when I do think about it is trust and respect of my father. It also makes me sad and disappointed. What view do I have of myself? I dunno. I don't begrudge many people, frankly, but when I do begrudge, I really begrudge. Honestly, though, it's really the one incident in my life where I could use the label of begrudge. I have trouble bearing a responsibility for the grudge because I still feel that I'm entitled to it and that letting it go would somehow be a passive way of accepting the harm. It could be that which prevents me letting it go.
Still, I think the best corse of action is to speak with him about it. I don't know it's naive or not, but there is a chance that it's been long enough for him to have some perspective.
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Originally Posted by ratbastid
You're not a bad person for doing that, btw. We all do that. It takes an exceptional person to be willing to look at it honestly and confront what it takes to put it down, so I want you to know, I'm impressed and proud of you for having gotten this far with it.
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Well thank you, RatBastid. That means quite a bit.