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Owl probably has the right idea. I have two girls, 10 and 7. My 10 year old does tend to be rebellious sometimes, and certainly tends to take instruction personally. The key to making progress with her has been setting up a system of consequences and rewards.
When she does well in school, and takes instruction, she gets rewarded. When she rebels, or gets angry at being corrected, there are consequences... no tv, no computer.. whatever seems appropriate to the situation.... and I always stick to what I say I am going to do!! It is so easy to feel guilty when they cry, isn't it? Giving in is not doing your child a favor, no matter how bad it might feel to see them unhappy.
Conversely, when she takes instruction, and acts responsibly, she gets rewarded somehow.. certainly with positive praise, maybe with a trip to the movies or a few dollars.
I know it can be tough. I have been through times with her where it seems like I am only chastising her, and she is always upset and angry. Sticking to your guns will pay off in the end, though. It is the only way she will learn some of the most important fundamentals of life.
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